Solid Answers with Dr. James Dobson

Prepare Your Child for Independence

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

My sister's daughter went off to college at eighteen and immediately went a little crazy. She had always been a good kid, but when she was on her own, she drank like a lush, was sexually promiscuous, and flunked three of her classes. My daughter is only twelve, but I don't want her to make the same mistakes when she is beyond our grasp. How can I get her ready to handle freedom and independence?

Most Important Values to Teach Your Children

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You make a convincing case that beauty and brains are false values that demoralize kids who don't think they measure up. But what values do you suggest that I teach to my children?

Have Parents Stopped Using Common Sense?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Why have so many parents forgotten the common-sense approach to child rearing that has worked for generations? Why look for something new?

Adult Child Still at Home

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Our twenty-one-year-old daughter came home from college and moved back into her old bedroom. Now, three years later, she's still there. She doesn't work, she has no ambition or direction, and she seems perfectly content to freeload on her dad and me. I know she ought to get on with her life, but what can I do? I can't just force her out, can I?

Low Self-Esteem in Young People

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You have said that children and young people are experiencing an epidemic of self-doubt and feelings of low self-esteem. Why do you think this is true?

Sexual Development Occurring at a Younger Age

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Children seem to be growing up at a younger age today than in the past. Is this true, and if so, what accounts for their faster development?

Should I Make My Child Do Chores?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I have to fight with my nine-year-old daughter to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do. It's so unpleasant that I've about decided not to take her on. Why should I try to force her to work and help around the house? What's the downside of my just going with the flow and letting her off the hook?

In-Laws Interfering with Parenting

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

My husband's parents are wonderful people, and we love them very much. They have always refrained from interfering in our family; that is, until our daughter was born. Now they're arguing with us about how we're raising her and are undermining the things we're trying to teach. We want to base Amy's upbringing on biblical principles, but not being Christians, my in-laws don't really understand this. How can we deal with this situation without offending them?

Do Beautiful Children Have an Advantage?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What are the prospects for the very pretty or handsome child? Does he or she usually have smooth sailing all the way?

Parental Expectations Too High?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

If beauty is the most important attribute in determining personal worth in this culture, what is in second place?

When to Start Disciplining Children

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

At what age should discipline begin?

Quality Time or Quantity Time with Children?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I have very little time to spend with my children these days, but I make sure the hours we do get to spend together are meaningful. Do you agree that the quality of time you are with your kids is more important than the quantity?

Discipline for Infants

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

If punishment is never recommended for an infant, what form of discipline is appropriate at that age?

Fathers and Daughters

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

How about a little equal time? Talk about a father's impact on his daughter and what he should hope to accomplish through that relationship.

Discipline for a One-Year-Old

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Please describe the best approach to the discipline of a one-year-old child.

Peer Pressure Among Adolescents

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Why are kids so vulnerable to peer pressure? How do you explain this paralyzing social fear at an age when they are notoriously gutsy? There is very little else that scares them. Teenagers drive their cars like maniacs, and the boys make great combat soldiers. Why is it that an eighteenyear- old can be trained to attack an enemy gun emplacement or run through a minefield, and yet he panics in the noisy company of his peers? Why are they so frightened of each other?

Teach Children to Respect Each Other

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Can boys and girls be taught to treat each other with respect? That seems like a tough assignment.

Appropriate Age for Spanking?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Is there an age when you begin to spank?

Allow Your Adolescent to Face Challenges

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Our fifteen-year-old daughter is getting some rough treatment at the hands of her peers these days. She wasn't invited to a party given by a girl who had been her best friend, and she cried herself to sleep that night. It's just tearing me up to see her hurt like this. Will this experience leave lifelong scars on her mind?

Understanding Your Child's Personality

6/22/2011 5:36:09 PM

How Often to Spank?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Do you think you should spank a child for every act of disobedience or defiance?

Teens and Sleep

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My thirteen-year-old daughter has become increasingly lazy in the past couple of years. She lies around the house and will sleep half a day on Saturday. She complains about being tired a lot. Is this typical of early adolescence? How should I deal with it?

Six Child Personality Patterns - Withdrawl

6/22/2011 5:47:43 PM

Lying

6/23/2011 2:39:43 PM

My 5-year-old is developing a problem with lying, and I don't know how to handle it. What can I do to get him to tell the truth?

Prepare Your Child for College

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Our son will be leaving for college next fall. Is there anything we can do to help ease the transition from home to dorm life? For starters, author Joan Wester Anderson suggests that you make sure that your teen has the basic skills necessary to survive dorm life. Can he operate a washer and dryer, stick to a budget, handle a checkbook, get along with roommates, and manage his time wisely?

Six Child Personality Patterns - Fighting

6/22/2011 5:50:44 PM

Okay to Show Affection After Punishment?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

After I spank my child, she usually wants to hug me and make up. I don't feel good about that because I need to show her my displeasure at what she's done. That's why I continue to be cool to her for a few hours. Do you think that is right?

Do Rock Music Lyrics Turn Teens Against Parents?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Can you illustrate your concerns about the lyrics of contemporary teen music, especially as it relates to attitudes toward parents?

Six Child Personality Patterns - Jokester

6/22/2011 5:53:57 PM

Balancing Love with Discipline

6/23/2011 2:45:27 PM

I like your idea of balancing love with discipline, but I'm not sure I can do it. My parents were extremely rigid with us, and I'm determined not to make that mistake with my kids. But I don't want to be a pushover, either. Can you give me some help in finding the middle ground between extremes?

Understanding Junior High Students

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

You obviously have a great empathy for kids who are in the junior high years--especially those who are rejected and ridiculed by their peers. Have you always felt that way about that age-group, which many adults don't like to be around?

Six Child Personality Patterns - Denying Reality

6/22/2011 5:56:14 PM

Support for Corporal Punishment, Not Abuse

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

As an advocate of spankings as a disciplinary tool, don't you worry about the possibility that you might be contributing to the incidence of child abuse in this country?

Letting Go of Your Kids

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Why do you think so many parents are reluctant to let their kids go after they are grown?

Six Child Personality Patterns - Conformity

6/22/2011 5:58:11 PM

Child Unwilling to Eat

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Should a parent try to force a child to eat?

More About Letting Go of Your Kids

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I have found it very hard to turn my kids loose and face the empty nest. I know I need to release them, but it is so difficult. Can you help me?

Six Child Personality Patterns - Compensation

6/22/2011 6:00:58 PM

Permissive Child Rearing

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You have been very critical of behavioral scientists and other writers who recommend a more permissive approach to child rearing. Explain why this concerns you. Why is it ever wrong to be kind and merciful to a boy or girl?

Emotions of Adolescents

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Talk about the social pressures that beset many early adolescents. Why do they seem to overreact to almost everything at that time?

Dr. Dobson's Parenting Philosophy

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

One more time, could you summarize your philosophy of child rearing in a single paragraph? What's the bottom line?

Is Corporal Punishment Okay?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

It just seems barbaric to cause pain to a defenseless child. Tell me why you think it is healthy to spank him or her.

Talk to Your Teen About Smoking and Drugs

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

It is commonly understood that peer pressure causes teenagers to begin smoking or using drugs. Is that what really motivates them to pick up dangerous habits?

Dr. Dobson's Principles of Parenting

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Discipline for Bed-wetting?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I get so mad at my kid for wetting the bed. Every morning I have to strip and wash his bedding and pajamas. I told him last week that I would spank him if it happened again. Do you think that will help?

Warning Signs of Drug Use

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

I am suspicious that my sixteen-year-old son may be using some kind of illegal drugs. He's just not himself lately, and his friends are some of the weirdest guys you ever saw. Can you summarize the most common symptoms of drug abuse for me? What should I look for?

Building A Child's Self Esteem

10/4/2011 3:36:30 PM

If confidence is something we value for our sons and daughters, wouldn't it be helpful to assist them in achieving it?

More on Discipline for Bed-Wetting

10/6/2011 5:57:24 PM

Should a child be disciplined for wetting the bed? How can you deal with this difficult problem?

How to Give Freedom to Your Adolescent

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

What guidelines can you offer to help us transfer power to our teen at the right time--neither early nor late?

"Daddy's Girl" Maturing Later

3/26/2012 4:46:43 PM

What is the mechanism that causes a “daddy’s girl” to mature later? How does that happen?

Should Parents Use Rewards as Motivation?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I am uncomfortable using rewards to influence my kids. It seems too much like bribery to me. I'd like to hear your views on the subject.

Independence for Teens

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

If power is so important to teenagers, then it must play a key role in family dynamics. How does it work itself out at home?

Striving for a Goal

11/14/2011 3:48:50 PM

Disciplining School-Age Kids

6/23/2011 2:01:56 PM

Parenting an Extremely Rebellious Teen

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You have recommended that parents be willing to apologize to their kids when they are wrong and to "stay on your child's team" even when it's a losing team. This is difficult for me because my son is in full-blown rebellion at this time. He's using drugs, flunking his classes, and giving us fits at home. Is there a time to forget the nicey-nice stuff and get tough with a teenager?

Expressing Feelings vs. Expressing Hostility

10/6/2011 5:47:56 PM

We hear so much about the importance of communication between a parent and child. If you suppress a child's defiant behavior, how can he express the hostility and resentment he feels?

Preteen Discipline

6/23/2011 2:24:16 PM

Fathers and Teen Sons

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

As a father, what should I be trying to accomplish with my son in these teen years?

Spiritual Training of Children

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What is the most important period in the spiritual training of young children?

Is Parenting Tough?

10/4/2011 3:40:20 PM

Just how tough is it to be a good parent today?

Discipline and Motivation for Teens

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You stated earlier that you do not favor spanking a teenager. What would you do to encourage the cooperation of my thirteen-year-old, who deliberately makes a nuisance of himself? He throws his clothes around, refuses to help out with any routine tasks in the house, and pesters his little brother incessantly. If I can't spank him, how can I get his attention?

How Can Parents Survive the Teen Years?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Give me your shortest answer to the question: How can I best survive the tumultuous years of my three teenagers?

Preventing Early Puberty

3/26/2012 4:32:28 PM

What can parents do to prevent early puberty from occurring?

More Discipline Ideas for Teens

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Generally speaking, what kind of discipline do you use with a teenager who is habitually miserable to live with?

Communication with Your Teen

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I hear so much about communicating with our children and making sure we stay on the same wavelength. How can I do that during the teen years?

Your Thoughts on Halloween

10/31/2011 9:53:49 PM

What about Halloween?

Parents Disagree on Discipline

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Sometimes my husband and I disagree on our discipline and argue in front of our children about what is best. Do you think this is damaging?

More About Peer Pressure and Teens

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Explain in greater detail the role of power and peer pressure in the life of a teenager.

Protecting Your Child From Evil

11/9/2011 11:38:55 AM

Sometimes I wish there were a place where I could go to protect my kids from all the evil in the world--a place where I could raise them like I was brought up. But there is no such place to hide, is there?

Should I Use a Paddle for Spanking?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

There is some controversy over whether a parent should spank with his or her hand or with some other object, such as a belt or paddle. What do you recommend?

Most Difficult Phase of Adolescence?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What is the most difficult period of adolescence, and what is behind the distress?

Sleepover without Mother at Home

8/16/2011 12:45:09 PM

A little girl wants to come to our house for a sleepover with my daughter during a time when only my daughter and my husband will be home. The mom of the other girl does not have an issue with it. However, I do not think this is appropriate. What do you think?

External Discipline versus Learned Discipline

6/23/2011 2:51:06 PM

Isn't it our goal to produce children with self-discipline and self-reliance? If so, how does your approach to external discipline imposed by parents get translated into internal control?

The Importance of Fathers for Teenagers

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Would you speak about the impact of what has been called "the absentee father"--especially during the tougher years of adolescence?

Girls Maturing Early

3/26/2012 4:24:43 PM

Do we know why girls are starting to mature physically at a younger age?

Research on Appropriate Discipline

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What does behavioral research tell us about the best way to raise children? Have scientific studies spelled out what works and what doesn't, especially regarding how to discipline properly?

Treating Teens with Respect and Dignity

6/23/2011 2:54:44 PM

How to Deal with a "People Pleaser" Child

8/16/2011 12:41:28 PM

My daughter is very much a “people pleaser.” What should I do about it?

Should Some Personalities Avoid Spanking?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What advice would you give parents who recognize a tendency within themselves to abuse their kids? Maybe they're afraid they'll get carried away when spanking a disobedient child. Do you think they should avoid corporal punishment as a form of discipline?

Young Child Disrespectful to Parent

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My six-year-old has suddenly become sassy and disrespectful in her manner at home. She told me to "buzz off" when I asked her to take out the trash, and she calls me names when she gets angry. I feel it is important to permit this emotional outlet, so I haven't tried to suppress it. Do you agree?

Broken Home

10/24/2011 4:54:22 PM

How does a broken home affect teenagers?

Lack of Communication in Marriage

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

When my husband and I were dating, we could talk for hours about anything and everything. Now that we're married, we go out to dinner and have nothing to say to each other. What has gone wrong? Richard just keeps his thoughts to himself.

Simple Kindness

11/28/2011 2:55:40 PM

Simple acts of kindness cannot only change someone’s day, it can also change their perspective of life. Jesus taught us that it is a gift to give.

Dr. Dobson's Principles of Discipline

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What does Dr. Dobson have to say about discipline?

How to Shape Attitudes

6/23/2011 2:13:42 PM

Coed Team Sports

8/16/2011 12:25:56 PM

You’ve mentioned that girls and boys often approach organized sports from entirely different directions. Do you think girls and boys should play on the same teams?

Husband Emotionally Unresponsive

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What advice would you give to a woman whose husband just won't respond to her emotionally? That's my situation. Darrell is a good man, but he's not romantic, and he'd rather keep his thoughts to himself. How can I deal with the longing inside me?

Dealing with Regrets as a Parent

11/17/2011 11:11:25 AM

My wife and I are new Christians, and we now realize that we raised our kids by the wrong principles. They're grown now, but we continue to worry about the past, and we feel great regret for our failures as parents. Is there anything we can do at this late date?

Discipline for Divorced Parents

10/6/2011 5:38:04 PM

My husband and I are divorced, so I have to handle all the discipline of the children myself. How does this change the recommendations you've made?

How to Shape Your Childs Will

6/23/2011 2:17:10 PM

Why Do Teens "Cut" Themselves?

3/26/2012 5:07:43 PM

Why do some teenagers mutilate themselves by cutting, and what can be done to help them?

Is Love Enough to Make Marriage Succeed?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

If you and your spouse really love each other, won't that hold you steady when the storms come?

Healthy Conflict in Marriage

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

You have said that every healthy married couple should learn how to fight. What do you mean by that?

How does weight affect a girls maturity?

3/26/2012 4:54:47 PM

Please elaborate on your statement that the timing of puberty in girls is related to fat distribution in the body. Does that mean that overweight girls always mature earlier than those who are thin?

What Ages Require Spanking?

10/6/2011 5:40:25 PM

Is there an age when you begin to spank? And at what age do you stop?

Bed-wetting

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

What causes a child to wet the bed? Our five-year-old soaks his sheets nearly every night, which drives me crazy.

More About Teens "Cutting"

3/26/2012 5:02:10 PM

I am very concerned about the phenomenon of “cutting.” Can you explain to me what is going on here?

Fundamentals of a Christian Marriage

6/10/2011 11:45:32 AM

What are the fundamentals of a good Christian marriage?

Differing Assumptions Cause Marital Conflict

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

My wife and I sometimes get into fights when neither of us really wants to argue. I'm not even sure how it happens. We just find ourselves locking horns and then feeling bad about it later. Why can't we get along even when we want to?

Impact of Divorce on Children

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

My marriage to my husband has been a very unsatisfying thing for me. I would divorce him if it were not for my concern for our three children. What does the research say about the impact of divorce on kids?

Leaving Children with Babysitters

8/16/2011 12:33:49 PM

What about leaving your kids with babysitters? Is that wise?

Discipline in Public Settings

10/6/2011 5:53:20 PM

My son obeys me at home, but is difficult to manage whenever I take him to a public place, like a restaurant. Then he embarrasses me in front of other people. Why is he like that? How can I change him?

Sexual Development in Young Children?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Are there limits to this trend toward younger and younger sexual development? If not, the kids of the future may enter puberty in the middle of childhood. That could create enormous problems when sexual awareness precedes emotional maturity by a decade or more.

Discussing Teenage Defiance

6/23/2011 3:16:39 PM

Discipline for a Child with ADD

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

We have a five-year-old son who has been diagnosed with ADD. He is really difficult to handle, and I have no idea how to manage him. I know he has a neurological problem; I don't feel right about making him obey like we do our other children. It is a big problem for us. What do you suggest?

Maintain a Christ-Centered Home

6/10/2011 11:48:38 AM

Is maintaining a Christ-centered home fundamental to a good Christian marriage?

How to Show Your Spouse Respect

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I heard you talk in your Life on the Edge video series about something you called the "line of respect" between a husband and wife. Would you explain that again?

Protect Your Marriage from Divorce

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

I'm engaged to a beautiful and godly young lady. Spending the rest of my life with her is more than I could have hoped or dreamed for. Still, the possibility of divorce scares me. What can we do to avoid this tragedy?

Parental Guilt

11/28/2011 4:10:05 PM

Spanking Toddlers for Definace

10/6/2011 5:42:39 PM

If it is natural for a toddler to break all the rules, should he be disciplined for his defiance?

The Challenges of Parenting Toddlers

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I have a two-year-old boy who is as cute as a bug's ear, and I love him dearly, but he nearly drives me crazy. He throws the most violent temper tantrums and gets into everything. Why is he like this, and are other toddlers so difficult?

Dealing with a Pregnant Daughter

10/18/2011 10:20:26 AM

What is the best way to handle our daughter telling us, "I'm pregnant?"

More Discipline for a Child with ADD

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My child has ADD. How do I discipline her and set appropriate boundaries?

Sustain an Iron-Willed Commitment

6/10/2011 11:51:22 AM

Is sustaining an iron-willed commitment fundamental to a good Christian marriage?

How Wives Can Communicate with Husbands

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

My husband is somewhat insensitive to my needs, but I believe he is willing to do better if I can teach him how I am different from him. Can you help me communicate my needs to him effectively?

Why is Divorce Last Resort?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I notice that you rarely recommend to unhappy and angry spouses that they seek a divorce and get on with their lives. I disagree. My husband and I were always incompatible and should never have married in the first place. Why do you consider divorce to be a last resort?

Implications of Early Development in Girls

3/26/2012 4:28:33 PM

What are the implications of early versus late sexual development for girls? Is one more beneficial than the other?

Do Kids Really Want Boundries

10/6/2011 12:58:39 PM

You have discussed the need for establishing boundaries within the home. Do children really want limits set on their behavior?

Child-care Centers: Good or Bad?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What do you think of placing children in child-care centers so mothers can work?

Understanding Blowups in Teens

6/23/2011 2:59:15 PM

Symptoms of ADD

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I understand that I can't diagnose ADD in my own child, but what are the specific characteristics of someone who has this disorder?

Physical Differences Between Men and Women

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You've discussed briefly some of the physiological and emotional differences between the sexes. Could you list other physical characteristics unique to males and females?

More About Wives Communicating with Husbands

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I've talked and talked to my husband about how I'm different from him and how I need him to be sensitive to my needs. Somehow, he just doesn't "hear" it. I've also gotten mad at him about a hundred times. How can I get my feelings across to him?

Causes of Divorce

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Would you identify some of the major "marriage killers" that are most responsible for the high divorce rate that plagues today's families?

Spending on Children - Saying No

9/8/2011 5:02:26 PM

Is it okay to say "no" to my kids sometimes?

Does Spanking Teach Kids to Hit?

10/6/2011 5:34:14 PM

I have never spanked my three-year-old because I am afraid it will teach her to hit others and be a violent person. Do you think I am wrong?

Toddler Adjusting to Newborn Sibling

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Before our baby was born last month, our three-year-old daughter, April, was thrilled about having a new brother or sister. Now, however, she shows signs of jealousy, sucking her thumb sullenly when I nurse the baby and getting very loud and silly when friends drop by. Please suggest some ways I can ease her through this period of adjustment.

Raging Hormones

6/23/2011 2:56:27 PM

Treatment for ADD

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What kind of treatment is available for ADD?

Dr. Dobson's Principles of Marriage

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What principles does Dr. Dobson offer about marriage?

Improve Communication with Your Spouse

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What can a husband and wife do to improve their communication?

Dr. Dobson on Divorce and Remarriage

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

There are so many differing opinions about what the Bible says regarding divorce. Does Dr. Dobson believe that it's okay for Christians to get divorced?

Understanding Self Mutilating Behavior

3/27/2012 11:40:40 AM

I understand that those who hurt themselves are experiencing “rage turned inward.” But why do they make things worse by continually damaging their own bodies?

Actions Lead to Consequences

9/8/2011 5:06:44 PM

How can I teach my child that his/her choices have consequences?

Help Your Child Prepare for Adolescence

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

How can parents prepare their younger children for the assault on self-esteem that is almost certain to come in adolescence? That was a tough time for me, and I want it to be easier for my kids.

Kids Maturing Quickly

3/26/2012 4:13:32 PM

I was at the mall the other day where there were hundreds of kids hanging out. They couldn’t have been more than thirteen or fourteen, but most of the girls were rather developed and many of the guys had acne. Are kids maturing earlier today?

Diagnosing ADD

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

I hear so much about children who have ADD. Can you describe this problem for me and tell me how I might recognize it in my son?

Tough Love Brings Subtle Changes

7/26/2011 12:41:33 PM

Communicate Effectively

6/10/2011 11:56:21 AM

Is communicating effectively fundamental to a good Christian marriage?

Responses to an Unraveling Marriage

6/10/2011 1:42:23 PM

My marriage seems to be falling apart. What advice do you have?

Fatigue and Time Pressure

10/18/2011 10:25:37 AM

How can a man and woman communicate with each other when they are too worn out to talk?

Hope for Dying Marriages

6/10/2011 1:47:03 PM

Is there any hope for a marriage that seems to be dying?

Emotional Differences Between Men and Women

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

How do men and women differ emotionally, and are those differences caused by cultural influences or genetic factors?

Can Husbands Meet Wives' Emotional Needs?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Are you suggesting that women should seek to meet some of their emotional needs outside of marriage?

Can Marriage Survive Tragedy?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My uncle and aunt were happily married for nine years before a couple of terrible things happened. First their youngest child drowned in a neighborhood pool, and then my uncle was injured in an automobile accident. Instead of bringing them together, these two events drove them apart. How could they have weathered the storms? How will my fiancee and I stay together through the difficult times in our lives?

Premarital Counseling Necessary?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Do you recommend premarital counseling for engaged couples? If so, why? My fiancee and I have spent hours getting to know each other over the past year, so why should we bother with the time and expense of counseling?

Making a Marriage Last

6/10/2011 12:23:08 PM

What are the keys to having a lasting marriage?

Difference Between Male and Female Sex Drives

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Is the felt need for sex the same in both males and females?

More Differences Between Male and Female Sex Drives

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Can you be specific regarding the differences in sexual desire and preferences between males and females? Since I'm getting married next July, I would like to know how my future husband's needs will differ from my own. Could you summarize the major distinctions that will occur between us?

Helping Someone Who Is Self Mutilating

3/27/2012 11:46:48 AM

I have a fifteen-year-old daughter who has been cutting herself. What can I do to help her? We have had long talks about it, but then she quietly goes into her room and cuts herself again. I don’t think she even understands why she does it and is always embarrassed about it later.

Setting Right Parental Missteps

3/27/2012 2:19:24 PM

My children are almost grown, and I am seeing now that I have made huge mistakes in the way I raised them. My husband and I had marital problems ending in divorce, and we were also terribly busy trying to handle two flourishing careers. I had no idea when our kids were born that this parenting thing would be so difficult, and so significant. The teen years were so challenging, and I look at these mixed-up teenagers who are about to become adults, and I weep. What can I do now, since the time to make amends is over?

Pre-Adolescent Discipline

3/26/2012 6:03:24 PM

My eleven-year-old girl is physically, and otherwise, way too grown up for her age, despite my concentrated efforts to keep her a kid. I don’t know how to handle her disrespectful teen attitude. It seems she’s always grounded, and I am always yelling and unhappy, which affects everyone in our family. Unfortunately we cannot afford counseling, and I have read many resources to no avail. Help!

Disciplining Adoptive Children

10/6/2011 12:54:06 PM

We have an adopted child who came to us when he was two years old. He lived in fear, however, during those first couple of years, and we feel sorry for him. That's why my husband and I cannot let ourselves punish him, even when he deserves it. We also feel we don't have the right to discipline him, since we are not his biological parents. Are we doing right?

Terrible Twos

10/4/2011 3:32:55 PM

Do the “terrible twos” really have to be so terrible?

Putting Others First

11/14/2011 12:17:58 PM

How can I teach my child to put others first?

Children Being Cruel to Animals

10/5/2011 2:21:51 PM

You spoke of kindness to animals. That reminds me to ask you about my seven-year-old son who is cruel to animals. We've caught him doing some pretty awful things to neighborhood dogs and cats. Of course, we punished him, but I wonder if there is anything to be more concerned about here?

Doing What's Right

11/14/2011 1:28:00 PM

Sleepover at Single Parent House

8/16/2011 12:31:34 PM

My daughter has a friend who has a single dad. They want to have a sleepover at her house. My daughter is eleven years old. I would like to know if it would be appropriate to let her go to the sleepover. I am more than willing to let them have a sleepover at my house anytime.

Single Mother of a Son

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I am a single mother with a five-year-old son. How can I raise him to be a healthy man who has a good masculine image?

Encouragement for Single Parents

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What encouragement can you offer to those of us who are single parents? Each day seems more difficult than the one before it. Can you help plead our case to those who don't understand what we're facing?

Does No Custody Equal No Influence?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My former wife and I were married for thirteen years before we divorced two years ago. She has since remarried and has custody of our twelve-year-old daughter. Recently, I've learned that my ex-wife is saying things to our daughter that I feel are damaging to her spirit. She frequently blames her weight problem, smoking addiction, and financial woes on our daughter ("I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for you"). She also has no respect for our daughter's boundaries and routinely confiscates cash gifts that are received for birthday or Christmas presents. Since I am no longer recognized as the primary care provider, I am somewhat hesitant to raise objections. Still, she is my daughter, and it pains me to see her subjected to this kind of abuse. Should I step in and make things right?

Shared Parenting with Your Ex

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I am a single mom who is struggling to survive. Of all the things that frustrate me, I am bothered most by having to send my kids to visit their dad for three weeks in the summer. That will happen next month, and I'm already uptight about putting them on the plane. Can you help me accept what I'm about to go through?

Grandparents Doing More

11/28/2011 4:04:34 PM

I am a grandmother who is blessed to have fourteen grandchildren. I often take care of them and love just having them over. However, I would like to do more for them than just baby-sit. What can I do to really make an impact on their lives?

Prayer and A Wayward Heart

11/14/2011 12:35:30 PM

That is deep theological water, isn't it? Who knows exactly how God responds to intercessory prayer and how He deals with a wayward heart?

Praying for Childs Salvation

11/14/2011 1:17:59 PM

My wife and I have been praying for the salvation of our children for more than twenty-five years, and there is no sign that God has even heard those prayers. I know He loves our family, but I'm quite discouraged. Can you tell us anything that will jump-start our faith again?

Continuing to Pray for a Wayward Child

11/14/2011 1:09:58 PM

Your answer implies that we should continue to pray for our daughter year after year until she comes back to her faith. Does that mean that God will not be offended by our asking Him repeatedly for the same request? Is that what He wants of us on her behalf?

Challenges with Family Devotion Time

11/9/2011 11:46:21 AM

It is difficult for us to have meaningful devotions as a family because our young children seem so bored and uninvolved. They yawn and squirm and giggle while we are reading from the Bible. On the other hand, we feel it is important to teach them to pray and study God's Word. Can you help us deal with this dilemma?

Implications of Misinterpreting Scripture

11/14/2011 12:30:52 PM

You obviously feel very strongly about misinterpretation of Scripture. What are its implications?

Teaching About God

10/6/2011 12:40:53 PM

Should a child be allowed to "decide for himself" on matters related to God? Aren't we forcing our religion down children's throats when we tell them what to believe?

Shaping Childrens Expectations

11/9/2011 2:47:50 PM

How can a parent ever live up to the perception by a young child that we are Godlike? None of us can match that expectation!

Teaching Wise Decision-Making

6/23/2011 2:31:44 PM

Will A Prodigal Child Always Return?

11/9/2011 11:35:40 AM

You have said that the children of godly parents sometimes go into severe rebellion and never return to the faith they were taught. I have seen that happen to some wonderful families that loved the Lord and were committed to the church. Still, it appears contradictory to Scripture. How do you interpret Proverbs 22:6 (KJV), which says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it"? Doesn't that verse mean, as it implies, that the children of wise and dedicated Christian parents will never be lost? Doesn't it promise that all wayward offspring will return, sooner or later, to the fold?

How to Introduce Faith to a Child

11/9/2011 11:43:07 AM

I have heard you say that the most important responsibility for Christian parents is to teach their children about Jesus Christ. We are new Christians and new parents. How do we go about introducing our little girl to what we believe?

Intercessory Prayer

11/14/2011 12:33:58 PM

Our three children were prayed for before they were conceived, and we have held their names before the Lord almost every day of their lives. Yet our middle daughter has chosen to reject our faith and do things she knows are wrong. She's living with a twice-divorced man and apparently has no intention of marrying him. She has had at least two abortions that we know about, and her language is disgraceful. My wife and I have prayed until we're exhausted, and yet she has shown no interest in returning to the church. At times, I become very angry at God for allowing this terrible thing to happen. I have wept until there are just no more tears. Tell me what intercessory prayer accomplishes, if anything. Is there a realm into which the Father will not intrude?

Understanding Who God Is

11/9/2011 2:39:10 PM

The concept of who God is has always been difficult for me to comprehend. I'm still not sure I understand Him as I should. How can my children possibly grasp who He really is?

Raising a Strong-Willed Child

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What are the long-range implications of raising a strong-willed child? What can we expect as the years go by?

Shaping the Will of Your Strong-Willed Child

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I want to manage and lead my strong-willed child properly, but I'm afraid I'll break his spirit and damage him in some way. How can I deal with his misbehavior without hurting his self-concept?

Encouragement for Parents of Strong-Willed Children

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My wife and I have a strong-willed child who is incredibly difficult to handle. I honestly believe we are doing our job about as well as any parents would do under the circumstances, yet she still breaks the rules and challenges our authority. I guess I need some encouragement. First, tell me if an especially strong-willed kid can be made to smile and give and work and cooperate. If so, how is that accomplished? And second, what is my daughter's future? I see trouble ahead but don't know if that gloomy forecast is justified.

Advice Regarding Strong-Willed Children

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

OK, I understand the strong-willed child better than I did. But tell me how to get our son through these tough years. He is tough as nails. What specific suggestions do you have for us?

More Advice Regarding Strong-Willed Children

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My wife and I have two very strong-willed kids who are hard to handle. They seem to need to test us, and they're the happiest and most contented when we are the toughest on them. Why do they insist on making us growl at them and even punish them more than we'd like to?

The Strong-Willed Child

6/23/2011 2:07:35 PM

ADD Child Failing School

10/6/2011 12:38:11 PM

My child has what has been called an attention deficit disorder (ADD) that makes it hard for him to do well in school. I understand his difficulty. But he brings home D's and F's in most of his classes, and I know that will limit his opportunities in life. What should be the attitude of a parent toward a child who fails year after year?

Redefining the Family

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

I read recently that the definition of the family needed to be revised in light of cultural changes. The writer said a family should be thought of as "a circle of love," including any individuals who were deeply attached to each other. Somehow I know this is wrong but can't articulate why. How do you see it?

Greatest Threat to the Family

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What do you consider to be the greatest threat to the stability of families today?

Overcommitment and Families

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I know that for the sake of my marriage and family I should not overcommit myself. But we attend a church that schedules activities and events six or seven nights a week. My husband and I are asked, and expected, to accept leadership in many of these functions. Frankly, I feel guilty when I don't do what my pastors ask of me. As a result, we have very little time together as a family. How do we accommodate these competing needs?

Traditional Family Still Viable?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Is the "traditional family" a thing of the past? I hear that it is no longer viable and that we ought to begin thinking about what will take its place.

Should We Create a Blended Family?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My husband died three years ago, leaving me to raise my ten year-old son and nine year-old daughter alone. For the past year I have been dating a very gentle, godly man who has three kids of his own. We have recently begun to talk about marriage, which really excites me. I have a major concern, however, that my children are not in favor of the relationship, even though Bill has been very good to them and quick to include them in many of our activities. I know Chuck and Laura miss their father and don't want to give up his memory, but I need companionship, and this is definitely a good thing. How should I handle this situation?

Challenges of Creating a Blended Family

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I am a widow with two children planning to marry Bill, a father of three. Where should we start to build our new family? And could you identify the issues that are likely to be most difficult for us?

Okay to Want to be Full-time Wife and Mother?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Do you think it is all right for a woman to make it her exclusive career goal to be a wife and mother? Or should there be something else?

Full-time Homemaker Wasting Education?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Should a college-educated woman feel that she has wasted her training if she chooses not to use it professionally? I mean, why should I bother to go through school to be a professional if I'm going to wind up raising kids and being a full-time homemaker?

Outside Employment Okay for Mothers of School-Age Children?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I'm convinced that mothers of preschoolers should stay home with them if finances and temperaments permit. But what about after they are off to school? Do you feel it is still important to have Mom at home, we'll say, in the teen years?

Unique Challenges of Working Moms

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You've talked about being a full-time mother versus having a fulltime career. Give us your view of a woman handling both responsibilities simultaneously. Is it doable, and is it smart?

How Do I Choose a Spouse?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Give me some practical suggestions for the selection of a husband. I sure want to get it right and don't think I should depend just on looks or personality. What are the factors I should consider before saying "I do"?

Are Women Responsible for Date Rape?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What do you think about "date rape" when a girl has given a guy the come-on? If she has flirted with him and gone with him to an apartment or to someplace she shouldn't be, doesn't he have the right to have sex with her?

Tips for a Healthy Dating Relationship

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

In your book Love Must Be Tough, you suggested some ways unmarried people can build healthy relationships and not smother each other. Would you share those again? Would you apply the "tough love" principle to those of us who are not married? How does the issue of respect relate to our romantic relationships, and how can we build and preserve it?

Boyfriend Doesn't Talk

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My boyfriend doesn't talk to me very much. He's just a very quiet and shy person. Will he always be this way? I just wish he'd tell me what he's thinking and feeling.

How Can a Man Improve His Conversation Skills?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I'm in a relationship, and my girlfriend is frustrated that I don't talk very much. I've been that way all of my life. Part of the problem is that I just don't like to reveal what I'm feeling. But also, I don't know how to talk to people. I get really uncomfortable when I'm with people and I'm expected to say things. Can you give me some hints about how to express myself?

Single Women Cope Better Than Single Men

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Do you think women need men more than men need women? Which sex copes best when living without the other?

Should A Young Woman Prepare for Career or Family?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I have always been a good student, and I want to go to either law school or medical school. That means I could be in my mid- or late-twenties by the time I graduate and get on with my life. But I also want to be a wife and mother and stay home with my children. I can't figure out how to reach both these goals. How can I be a professional and a mother, too?

How Do I Choose a Career?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I'm twenty-one years old and still haven't figured out what I want to do with my life. I know I need to choose a profession, but I can't seem to get a fix on what makes sense for me. How can I find an achievable goal and begin moving toward it?

Enough Social Interaction for Home-schoolers?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Don't you think homeschooling might negatively impact the socialization process? I don't want my children growing up to be misfits.

Okay to Home School?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Many of our friends have begun to homeschool their children with seemingly positive results. My wife and I are considering this possibility as well but aren't quite sure. What are your views on this educational option?

How to Defend the Underdog

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

In my first question, I told you about some boys in a classroom who were making fun of a little girl named Nancy. What would you do if you were the teacher in that classroom?

Should Teachers Defend the Underdog?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

As an elementary school teacher, I am bothered by what I see my students doing to each other every day. They can be brutal-- especially to the child who is a little different. I'm not sure what my role should be. I feel I should step in to defend the underdog, but other teachers say kids should learn to work out their own problems. What do you think?

Religion in Public Schools

10/5/2011 2:27:13 PM

Do you think religion should be taught in public schools?

Does Abortion Prevent Child Abuse?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

My friend says she favors a liberal abortion policy because it prevents child abuse in some cases. What are your thoughts?

Dr. Dobson's Position on Civil Disobedience to Prevent Abortion

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Give us, then, a statement of your position on civil disobedience in the prevention of abortions.

Okay to Harvest Fetal Tissue for Research?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

I've been hearing a great deal about fetal experimentation and some of the possible medical breakthroughs that could be realized as a result of this research. Do you think it is ethical to "harvest" tissue from fetuses if it means we'll find the medical solution to debilitating diseases?

Abortion in Cases of Rape, Incest, Disability?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

There are those who think your position on abortion is extreme because you wouldn't even permit it in cases of incest, rape, or when the child is defective. How do you justify such a position?

Could Conservative Women Make a Difference in Politics?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

You've talked about the bias against homemakers by today's legislatures. Do you believe such an attitude could be changed if conservative women would become better organized?

Does Voting Make a Difference?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Perhaps I'd be more inclined to vote if I felt it would really make a difference, but I'm skeptical, to say the least. Can you give me any evidence that would convince me otherwise?

How to Become Involved in the Political Process

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

You have been outspoken about the need for citizens to get involved in the political process. Explain why that is important and how I can go about doing it.

Christians Too Weak on Public Issues?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Why are people who believe in traditional values less involved in public issues than the secular humanists? Do conservative Christians care less about their ideas than the liberals do?

Euthanasia

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Why is there such concern about the euthanasia movement? If a sick, elderly person wants to die with dignity, I don't see why that should threaten anybody. Why shouldn't we permit a quiet suicide when the quality of life is no longer there?

More About Euthanasia

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Other than the Nazi example, are there modern nations that have legalized euthanasia? If so, what has been the result?

New Healthcare Laws

9/8/2011 4:56:17 PM

With the recent passage of the Healthcare Reform Act by Congress, this nation experienced its most regrettable leap toward socialism and socialized medicine. The legislation also created public funding for abortion, which each citizen will be required to support with his or her taxes. We are deeply disturbed by these developments, and wonder why you have not spoken in opposition them. We assume it is because you are no longer interested in public policy, and have abandoned the fight for the sanctity of human life and free enterprise. Is this accurate?

Dangers of Adopting Euthanasia in United States

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Why do you think the Dutch experience will be repeated in the U.S. and Canada?

AIDS God's Punishment for Homosexuality and Promiscuity?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Is AIDS God's plague sent to punish homosexuals, lesbians, and other promiscuous people?

Letter to Dr. Dobson from a Gay Man

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I am gay, and I am writing on behalf of many thousands of gay people in this country who have grown to hate the church because of organizations like yours. First, however, I would like to give you a quick background on myself.

I grew up in the home of a minister. It was a very happy, nondysfunctional environment. I grew up as a Bible-believing Christian, and I always tried to put Christ first in my life and live by His commandments. Most of my childhood was spent where I knew of no other gay people.

I loved the Lord, the church, and my family--in that order. I left home and attended college, where I spent hundreds of hours studying the Bible, theology, and the history of the church. My parents were proud and thought that everything had turned out perfectly when I graduated. That's when I told them I was gay. They were devastated!

You see, from day one of puberty, I was attracted to the same sex. I never changed. Of course, I tried to change because I thought I was the only one in the world like this, and my father preached against it. So from the sixth grade to my junior year in college, I tried everything I could to go straight--counselors, prayer vigils, reading countless books on the evils of homosexuality, and attending Homosexuals Anonymous; nothing worked. The more I tried to change, the more it seemed just natural for me to be gay.

I decided to come out of the closet. The first person I met in a gay club was the choir director's son at my parents' church! He introduced me to many other gays--students in seminary, Sunday school teachers, church pianists, ushers, and many preachers' sons. There were gay people all throughout the church, but no one really knew because, like me, they were silently living their lives far from the minority of loud activists that you see on the evening news.

In the next few months, I took a course at college in Pauline Epistles, and one of our textbooks had a lengthy chapter regarding what the Bible says and does not say about homosexuals. To oversimplify a complex argument, it concluded that the Bible did not take a definite position on what we know today as committed gay relationships. I am sure you have read some of the discussions, and they are quite sophisticated. Nothing to be dismissed lightly, I'm sure you'll agree-- especially when people's lives are at stake.

I write this letter on behalf of my many friends who come from a similar background but hate the church because of organizations like yours. Sprinkled throughout all your programs are derogatory and demeaning references to gay people. You support legislation to take away our rights and spread misleading, inaccurate information. If you are really concerned about winning people to Christ, then look to the gay community. They are ripe for harvest. They would be attentive to a voice that preaches hope, forgiveness, acceptance, and sexual morals--as long as you understand we are not perverted in our feelings of love for one another.

Dr. Dobson, I remember watching your first videotape series in my dad's church, and I felt so strong for your message. I still do-- basically. My partner and I, as well as thousands of other gay people, just wish you would be more inclusive.

Should Homosexuality Be Accepted as a Healthy Lifestyle?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Homosexual activists claim their lifestyle, which in some cases includes thousands of sexual partners, should be sanctioned, protected, and granted special rights by society. Their rationale is that since their sexual nature is inherited, it is involuntary and therefore should be considered morally neutral. Would you critique this stance?

Is Homosexuality Genetic?

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

Now that you've made the point that the origin of homosexuality has little moral significance, would you indicate whether or not you believe it is inherited? I have reviewed studies conducted in recent years that seemingly indicate it is in the genes and is therefore involuntary. Do you agree?

Roots of homosexuality

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

JCD View on Homosexuality:

How Should Christians Respond to Homosexuals?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What should be the attitude of Christians toward those who are gay?

Christian Struggling with Homosexuality

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What is the responsibility of the person who wants to live a Christian life but struggles with a deeply ingrained attraction to members of his or her own sex?

Christian Response to the Homosexual Agenda

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I am glad to hear you talk about the need for Christians to be caring and compassionate to homosexuals and lesbians. I think many of my church friends are homophobic and cruel to those who have these tendencies.

Does the Bible Condemn Homosexuality?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

I heard a theologian say that the Bible does not condemn homosexual behavior and that those who say it does are nothing more than rightwing fundamentalist homophobes. What do you think Scripture says on this subject?

Multiculturalism

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What is meant by "multiculturalism," which I keep hearing about?

Impact of Pornography on the Family

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Talk briefly about the impact of pornography on the family.

Trends of the Pornography Industry

5/13/2011 3:15:18 PM

I know you served on the Attorney General's Commission on Pornography in the 1980s. Update us on the pornography industry today, and tell us what direction it is moving.

How Does Sexual Behavior Affect a Nation?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

You have said on several occasions that a society can be no more stable than the strength of the individual family units. Specifically, you said sexual behavior is directly linked to survival of nations. Explain how that principle works.

Sexual Activity Among Teens

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Why do you think kids are more sexually active today than when I was young? Lust is certainly not new. What is causing this generation to be so promiscuous?

Dr. Dobson's Spiritual, Social and Political Perspectives

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Wealth Unbiblical?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Do you think it is unbiblical to earn a high salary, own a home, have a nice car, and acquire a savings account?

Biblical Approach to Finances

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

What is the biblical approach to possessions and money?

Wrong to Be Rich?

5/13/2011 3:15:17 PM

Do you think it is wrong to be unusually wealthy?