By Dr. James Dobson
I've always thought a man should be willing to work and sacrifice to reach his goals. Now you're saying to cool the passion and postpone the dream. That isn't the way I was taught.
To be honest, many of you husbands and fathers have been thinking about something else. Your wives have been busy attending seminars and reading family literature and studying the Bible, but they can't even get you to enter a discussion about what they've learned. You've been intoxicated with your work and the ego support it provides.
Love can be defined in myriad ways, but in marriage “I love you” really means “I promise to be there for you all of my days.” It is a promise that says, “I’ll be there when you lose your job, your health, your parents, your looks, your confidence, your friends.” It’s a promise that tells your partner, “I’ll build you up; I’ll overlook your weaknesses; I’ll forgive your mistakes; I’ll put your needs above my own; I’ll stick by you even when the going gets tough.”
By Julie Clinton
Pain and adversity can easily strip us of energy and heart. All three of these women have been challenged by difficult circumstances, and all three made courageous decisions to stand by their men. They know two important things about their relationships and adversity—who they are and where they’re going.
Whether a few days, weeks, or months after the wedding, something begins to happen to “that lovin’ feeling.” A man and woman just seem to lose the wind in their romantic sails. It does not always occur, but too often it does.
I will never forget the first Valentine’s Day of my marriage, six months after Shirley and I walked down the aisle. It was something of a disaster. I had gone to the USC library that morning and spent eight or ten hours poring over dusty books and journals. It had slipped my mind completely that it was February 14.
Years ago, a Christian group on a college campus advertised a seminar titled: “Givers, Takers, and Other Kinds of Lovers.” We use the word “love” to mean almost any kind of connection today, but this leads to lots of misunderstanding. Needing someone isn’t loving them, and controlling them by any form of manipulation isn’t in their best interests. Real love is a choice, it’s open and freeing, demanding nothing in return. In Romans 12, Paul dives into what it means to live out love in our daily relationships.
One key to building trust is to take great care not to hurt or embarrass those we love. Some information is private and should remain so. For one partner to reveal family secrets indiscriminately or to verbalize barely concealed put-downs breaks the couple’s bond of loyalty and violates trust.
This is what I mean by mutual accountability. Such minor conflict in a marriage plays a positive role in establishing what is and is not acceptable behavior. Some instances of disrespect are petty, like the two examples I gave, but when they are permitted to pass unnoticed, two things happen.
We turn our attention now to the relationship between husbands and wives, which reminds me of a telephone call I received recently from a man who had read my previous book The Strong Willed Child. It did not answer his questions. Furthermore, he said he had read my earlier book What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, and it didn't satisfy his needs, either.
My wife and I love each other very much, but we're going through a time of apathy. We just don't feel close to each other. Is this normal, and is there a way to bring back the fire?
This happens sooner or later in every marriage. A man and woman just seem to lose the wind in their romantic sails for a period of time.
My wife and I sometimes get into fights when neither of us really wants to argue. I'm not even sure how it happens. We just find ourselves locking horns and then feeling bad about it later. Why can't we get along even when we want to?
Imagine losing your husband. It is during a time of famine in the land andyou are also filled with personal emptiness, hunger, and sorrow. You are alone. Discouraged. Grieving. Then, your mother-in-law decides to move back to her homeland. A mother-in-law who had loved you. Accepted you. One who came alongside you as a godly influence in your life. What would you do? In today’s story, Ruth chooses to leave her people, her country, and everything familiar to her…and cling to her relationship with Naomi.
Do you think women need men more than men need women? Which sex copes best when living without the other?
That very interesting question is addressed by the brilliant social commentator George Gilder in his classic book Men and Marriage. Gilder acknowledges that men and women were designed for each other and often feel incomplete alone.
Husbands: It is high time you realized that your wives are under attack today! Everything they have been taught from earliest childhood is being subjected to ridicule and scorn. Hardly a day passes when the traditional values of the Judeo-Christian heritage are not blatantly mocked and undermined.
When my husband and I were dating, we could talk for hours about anything and everything. Now that we're married, we go out to dinner and have nothing to say to each other. What has gone wrong? Richard just keeps his thoughts to himself.
From the discussion of the universal problem...fatigue and time pressure...what related concepts do wives most wish their husbands understood? It is my belief that feminine depression associated with the hustle and bustle of living could be reduced significantly if men comprehended and accepted the three ideas which follow:
By Dr. Tim Clinton
When we read the account of creation in Genesis, we find that at the end of each day God looked over His work and “saw that it was good”
Jesus was God in the flesh and He talked a lot about Satan. He referred to Satan twenty-five times during His time on earth. He also dealt with demons on a regular basis. When tempted in the desert for forty days, Jesus didn’t engage a mind over matter or positive thinking approach in order to resist the temptation. He instead recognized the source of His temptation. “Then Jesus said to him, ‘Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve’” (Matthew 4:10 NKJ).
Getaways. Some time off. A break. We all need them, and our bodies usually tell us when it’s time.
For one Chicago couple, it was time. Having just buried their son and lost their entire real estate business in a massive fire, the mom, dad, and four daughters needed to get away. The destination: England.
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Connect With Dr. James Dobson
Dr. James Dobson is the Founder and President of Family Talk, a nonprofit organization that produces his radio program, “Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk.” He is the author of more than 30 books dedicated to the preservation of the family, including The New Dare to Discipline; Love for a Lifetime; Life on the Edge; Love Must Be Tough; The New Strong-Willed Child; When God Doesn’t Make Sense; Bringing Up Boys; Marriage Under Fire; Bringing Up Girls; and, most recently, Head Over Heels.
Dr. Dobson served as an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine for 14 years and on the attending staff of Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles for 17 years. He has been active in governmental affairs and has advised three U.S. presidents on family matters. He earned his Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development. He holds 17 honorary doctoral degrees, and was inducted in 2008 into The National Radio Hall of Fame. Dr. Dobson recently received the “Great American Award” from The Awakening.
Dr. Dobson is married to Shirley and they have two grown children, Danae and Ryan, and two grandchildren. The Dobsons reside in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
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