By Dr. James Dobson
We have taken a hard look at the bias against boys in schools and how they are often discriminated against sexually. There are other concerns that we must consider now about how boys learn, why too many of them fail, and how their masculine makeup often works to their disadvantage.
Every parent is under terrible pressure in today's fast-paced culture. The demands of jobs, maintaining a house, keeping up with financial commitments, church responsibilities, and trying to raise a family keep us running at breakneck speed.
I am convinced that most contemporary mothers care more about their husbands and their children than about any other aspect of their lives, and they would like nothing better than to devote their primary energies to them. But they are trapped in a chaotic and demanding world that threatens constantly to overwhelm them.
I spoke at a White House conference a few years ago during which the other speaker was Dr. Armand Nicholi, a psychiatrist from Harvard University. His topic, like mine, was the status of the American family.
Compulsive parenting can be equally hazardous to the object of all this attention: the child. Many parents today burn out their kids with too many scheduled activities. Like Martha (Luke 10:40), they allow busyness to distract their family from what is truly important.
What is the primary reason for failure in school? The answer may surprise you.
Why do boys harass and intimidate each other this way? Angela Phillips explained it like this: "The effect of intimidation is to drag other children down to the same level of powerlessness, through fear. A child who lives in fear is unable to learn. The bully has then reduced his victim to his own dysfunctional level." That is exactly what I was trying to do with Denny. I just picked the wrong victim, that's all.
Some years ago a woman told me about her experience as a room mother for her daughter's fourth-grade class. She visited the classroom on Valentine's Day to assist the teacher with the traditional party. Valentine's Day can be a painful day for an unpopular child. Every student counts the number of valentines he or she is given, which becomes a direct measure of social status.
Dr. Dobson, I have observed that elementary school and junior high school students, even high schoolers, tend to admire the more strict teachers. Why is this true?
Dr. Dobson, my family lives together under one rood and we share the same last name. But we don't "feel" like a family. We're so rushed and stressed by the routine pressures of living that I sometimes feel I hardly know my wife and kids. How can I begin to put a sense of togetherness into this harried household? How do you put meaningful activities into your family?
How, then, can we keep cracks from developing in the sidewalks of our marriages? Well, the surest way to avoid an affair is to flee temptation as soon as it confronts you. Author Jerry Jenkins has referred to this determination to preserve moral purity as "building hedges" around marriage so that temptation is never given a foothold. You take steps to protect yourself and enhance the level of trust in your marriage at the same time.
During my freshman year I entered the mile run in a field of about twenty men. I was in good shape and finished second to an outstanding senior who rarely lost. He graduated that year and left the vacancy to me. Unfortunately, I discovered girls in my sophomore year and I let myself get a little soft. I had no idea that my body was going to play dead on that day of the race. I walked onto the track full of expectancy and determination.
In our secular age the battle rages not only over the question of religion in our public life. The very concept of faith is under attack. Cynicism and unbelief mock faith and the sacrifices it brings forth. Yet no nation can long survive if it does not have among its people a deep reservoir of faith in all its forms. This is especially true for democracies where the will of the people prevails.
The best way of keeping a marriage healthy is to maintain a system of mutual accountability, with the context of love. Speaking personally, the secret of my beautiful relationship with Shirley has involved a careful protection of the "line of respect" between us. This is a difficult concept to convey and its function is different from one personality to another. Perhaps by explaining how it operates between Shirley and me, I can help the reader adapt the principle to his own circumstances.
Some years ago, in an effort to draw on the experiences of those who have lived together harmoniously as husbands and wives, we asked married couples to participate in an informal study. More than six hundred people agreed to speak candidly about the concepts and methods that have succeeded in their homes for thirty, forty, or even fifty years.
There is a place in the female soul reserved for Daddy, or a daddy figure, that will always yearn for affirmation. Not every girl or woman is the same, of course, but almost every girl desires a close bond with this most significant man in her life. She will adore him if he loves and protects her and if she finds safety and warmth in his arms.
When I was seventeen years old, the state of Texas granted me a license to drive. It was a bad decision. My dad had recently bought a brand-new Ford, and he let me take it out for a spin during lunchtime one day. That was another big mistake. Hundreds of my fellow students were milling around my school as I drove by, which gave me a great opportunity to show off.
My wife and I made a trip to the supermarket to pick up a few items. When we arrived, we noticed that a woman shopper and her five-year-old boy were engaged in a clash of wills. He demanded that she buy something and then threw a classic temper tantrum when she refused. The conflict was still brewing when they reached the checkout counter where we were standing in line. Unmindful of my listening ear, Mama leaned down and spoke very quietly to her son.
The Greek translation for the word encouragement is parakletos, which literally means "called alongside to help." It brings to mind the scriptural image of two people yoked side by side, as when Jesus said, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. . . . For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:29–30).
Many couples have struggled with that issue since the arrival of their children. Some families feel they don't have a choice, given their compelling financial pressures. I understand their dilemma. But for those who do have options, there is little doubt about what is in the best interest of their children, as I see it...
Additional Posts
Fathers Can Influence Daughter’s Attitude Towards Boys
The Primary Reason For Failure In School
5 Truths For True Love In Your Marriage
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Dr. James Dobson is the Founder and President of Family Talk, a nonprofit organization that produces his radio program, “Dr. James Dobson's Family Talk.” He is the author of more than 30 books dedicated to the preservation of the family, including The New Dare to Discipline; Love for a Lifetime; Life on the Edge; Love Must Be Tough; The New Strong-Willed Child; When God Doesn’t Make Sense; Bringing Up Boys; Marriage Under Fire; Bringing Up Girls; and, most recently, Head Over Heels.
Dr. Dobson served as an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine for 14 years and on the attending staff of Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles for 17 years. He has been active in governmental affairs and has advised three U.S. presidents on family matters. He earned his Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development. He holds 17 honorary doctoral degrees, and was inducted in 2008 into The National Radio Hall of Fame. Dr. Dobson recently received the “Great American Award” from The Awakening.
Dr. Dobson is married to Shirley and they have two grown children, Danae and Ryan, and two grandchildren. The Dobsons reside in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
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