Voices of the Family | Family Talk

Know Your Wife's Deepest Longings

Written by Dr. James Dobson | February 15, 2017


We have all heard it said that a woman is most beautiful when she is in love. It's true. You've seen it yourself. When a woman knows that she is loved and loved deeply, she glows from the inside. This radiance stems from a heart that has had its deepest questions answered. "Am I lovely?" "Am I worth fighting for?" "Have I been and will I continue to be romanced?" When these questions are answered, Yes, a restful, quiet spirit settles in a woman's heart.

And every woman can have these questions answered, Yes. You have been and you will continue to be romanced all your life. Yes. Our God finds you lovely. Jesus has moved heaven and earth to win you for himself. He will not rest until you are completely his. The King is enthralled by your beauty. He finds you captivating.1

These words are inspiring and entirely accurate. There is within the nature of girls a yearning to know that they are precious to someone who loves them wholeheartedly. While boys are fantasizing about conquest and heroic deeds, little girls are already dreaming about the arrival of a Prince Charming who will sweep them off their feet. They hope to marry and live together in a little love nest made just for two. But as we know, life does not always deliver on that promise. The prince sometimes turns out to be fickle or flawed, or he may never show up at all.

Even if their storybook marriage becomes a reality, as it has for Shirley and me and millions of others, women often experience a longing for something more. That something is not romantic in nature. It is a hunger for a relationship with the compassionate and caring God, whose love is constant and secure. He never disappoints or forgets. He is there in times of loss and sorrow, and He hears the faintest cry. As King David wrote, "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble" (Psalm 9:9). David also said, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). Every child, male and female, should become intimately acquainted with this Friend and Savior during his or her developmental years.

If it is true that children should be trained in the knowledge of the Lord, and Scripture tells us it is, then there is one task in parenting that outranks all others in significance. It is the responsibility of Christian mothers and fathers to introduce their children to Jesus Christ and to cultivate their understanding of Him at every opportunity. The apostle Paul gave us that priority two thousand years ago when he wrote, "Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).

1.Eldredge, Captivating, 146.

From Dr. Dobson's book Bringing Up Girls.