By Sharon May, Ph.D. and Alan Hart, MS, MAT
You and your spouse, if you are like most couples, are similar in some ways but very different in other ways. You see eye to eye on certain things and have very different opinions on others. Key to a connected marriage is not to try to change each other's views so that you agree on everything, but rather to be aware of the impact your differences may have on the way you view each other.
By Dr. James Dobson
How can we keep cracks from developing in the sidewalks of our marriages? The surest way to avoid an affair is to flee temptation as soon as it confronts you. Author Jerry Jenkins has referred to this determination to preserve moral purity as "building hedges" around marriage so that temptation is never given a foothold. You take steps to protect yourself and enhance the level of trust in your marriage at the same time.
We all have our best side. And when that best version of who we are steps out first, we are seen as great people. Yet when our weaknesses or flaws show up, our spouse is often the first one to notice them and we are the last ones to admit to them. Why? Because the fear of being seen in a bad light—and perhaps rejected—keeps us from being vulnerable about our flaws.
Your spouse values and appreciates you. But there are certain things your spouse would like for you to change. Does that come as a surprise?
In the Germanic language of Afrikaans, "I love you" is expressed by the words, "Ek het jou lief." Which literally means, "I hold your heart." What a powerful way to say, "You know I love you because I will hold your heart."
By JT Waresak
I recently shared with my 21-year-old daughter that there is a good reason why dads need to be involved in this whole process. We don’t care a lick about how cute a guy may be. To be honest, as a dad, I’m somewhat blind to this because I’m not interested in what he looks like. I care most about who he is.
What your wife would like you to bring home at the end of each day (as most wives would also want from their husbands) is your attention. Not the kind of attention you give when something is spilled, messed up or needs fixing. Rather, the positive attention you give your wife when something nice about her catches your eye: You notice her, you turn your face and shoulders in her direction; and with an open mind and heart, you give her your full attention. That is, you are emotionally present and engaged.
Question: Dr. Dobson, do you think happily married husbands and wives should be able to live together without fighting?
If I had one evening I could spend with any person, no one in the world would outrank my wife. We have grown in mutual understanding so that it is rarely necessary to quarrel and argue. Nevertheless, Shirley and I once had a dandy fight and three distinct concepts emerged which may assist you in your marriage.
My wife and I sometimes get into fights when neither of us really wants to argue. I'm not even sure how it happens. We just find ourselves locking horns and then feeling bad about it later. Why can't we get along even when we want to?
Almost all husbands and wives experience conflict from time to time, which is not necessarily unhealthy to their relationships. A verbal spat that stays within reasonable limits can open the windows and give the couple a chance to vent frustrations and release some steam.
You are probably at home. Honoring the stay-at-home order, hoping it will slow down the COVID-19 virus while treatments are found and much-needed medical supplies are produced. Family life was changed, instantly, as businesses sent workers home, schools sent students home, and then we were all asked or ordered to stay at home.
Would you and your spouse consider each other to be a safe haven? Do you trust him or her to care for you and hold your heart? In your experience, has your spouse been there for you, attempted to understand you, and always treated you in a considerate and kind manner?
I looked up at my reflection in the window as I did the dishes. "Did you see the attitude of my husband?" I complained to God, anticipating compassionate agreement. I heard God say to me instead, "Right now, all I see is your attitude, Sharon; and it is filled with defensiveness and resentment." I was shocked.
We all long to be heard, understood and have our views matter. Especially within a marriage. To be emotionally present and listen to your spouse with the intention of really understanding what he or she is feeling, thinking and saying is a stepping stone to fostering a close and connected marital relationship.
Most marriage counselors emphasize communication as a foundation for a healthy relationship: Nothing should be withheld from the marital partner.
By Julie Clinton
Shaunti Feldhahn interviewed more than 1,000 men prior to writing her book For Women Only. Though it was no surprise that the interviews revealed that men desire more sex, what was surprising was why.
What are we to believe when we discover "life as it is" turns out to be very different than "life as it is supposed to be"? We often stumble toward one of several conclusions, all of which are potentially damaging to our faith: (1) God is dead, irrelevant, bored, or uninvolved in the affairs of man; (2) God is angry at me for some sin I've committed; (3) God is whimsical, untrustworthy, unfair or sinister; or (4) God ignored me because I didn't pray enough or display enough faith.
Are your disagreements with your spouse productive? Are you both able to be heard and understood, and work together for a solution that benefits the 'us' of your marriage? Or do your differences tend to escalate and get stuck in a negative argument cycle?
Can you trust your spouse to be there for you, no matter what? Do you sense that he or she understands and values you? Despite any hardships your marriage may endure, do you believe your spouse always cares for you? If you answered "yes" to all of the above, then you have what is called a safe haven marriage.
Use Chrome? Here's the RSS extension
Additional Posts
The Voices of the Family Blogs
Read All Here
"What's Trending"
Dad, Please Talk to Your Daughter
God Is Still Right Here
Is Spanking Healthy Discipline?
Opinions presented in blog content on DrJamesDobson.org are solely those of the author. Blog content may only be reprinted or republished with the express written permission of the author and Family Talk.
All information presented on blog(s) is for entertainment purposes only. Neither the author nor Family Talk is providing medical, legal or other professional advice. You are reading and/or using blog content at your own risk. Please contact us if you have questions.