By Sharon May, Ph.D. and Alan Hart, MS, MAT
How does the way we were loved and cared for growing up impact the way we get along in marriage, and even the way we parent? We were born into a family and there, in the loving arms of our first important relationships, we learned about love, life, ourselves and others. These relationships are a template for how we will love throughout our life.
How emotionally connected are you and your spouse? Is your marriage one where you feel understood, and in which arguments can be resolved? Where you trust each other with your hearts? Or instead, do you find yourselves disconnected, with resentment accumulating from unresolved conflict? Do you feel alone, even though you've been married for years?
By Dr. James Dobson
Given all that was placed before us, Shirley did a pretty good job of preserving our family life and getting into the world of our children. But as I reflect, I can't help but ask, "Could we have found a compromise that would have permitted Shirley and me to have done even better?" I wonder.
Make a conscious effort to put four new ingredients back into your lives, beginning with pleasure. You and your wife should go on a date at least once a week, leaving children at home. Likewise, some form of sports or recreational activity should be enjoyed as a family, whether it be tennis, golf, swimming, skiing, or another option.
We really do feel that if our spouse could hear our complaints, life would be so much better. So why is it hard for our husband, or wife, to hear our complaints?
Adjusting to the changes in a family when a child gets married is often just as difficult for parents as it is for adult children. There is no textbook on how to balance between 'leaving' to establish one's own family while 'staying connected' to one's family of origin. The journey can place stress on the young couple's marriage and be a source of grief for the parents.
Often when stressed, depressed or overwhelmed with life, we isolate ourselves, cutting ourselves off from our most powerful life-giving resource: close friends. Research shows over and over again that when we have close, connected relationships in our life, we do better. We are able to manage the stress, struggles, and strains that life brings our way knowing that someone is there to listen, understand and help us get through it.
Couples in a stress-filled or difficult marriage are often working on repairing arguments and trying to use kinder ways to express their views, while couples in an emotionally destructive marriage hardly ever repair and instead live silently hurting and crushed. What is the difference between a difficult marriage and an emotionally destructive marriage? How do you know when your marriage has crossed the line and become emotionally destructive?
What kind of marriage do you have? One filled with life stressors? Are you so different you wonder if you should be together? Always conflictual? Or disconnected living parallel lives?
It is the end of the week. Finally, it's date night. Work can wait until Monday. Kids have a babysitter. It's you and your sweetie. Time to relax, talk, laugh and unwind together. Then it happens. An argument ruins the night.
Question: Dr. Dobson, can you be more specific regarding the differences in sexual desire and preferences between males and females? Since I'm getting married next July, I would like to know how my future husband's need will differ from my own. Could you summarize the major distinctions that will occur between us?
If a commitment to Christ is the foundation for a successful marriage, then daily prayer together is the steady, brick-by-brick construction that provides a safe haven for genuine intimacy.
It is my belief that feminine depression associated with the hustle and bustle of living could be reduced significantly if men comprehended and accepted the three ideas which follow.
Romance can mean vastly different things to women and men, but for most of us the word describes that wonderful feeling of being noticed, wanted, and pursued—of being at the very center of our lover’s attention.
By Dr. Tim Clinton & Patrick Springle
We all carry relational wounds. So we go through life with a skewed definition of love. Our actions are often a far cry from true love. The truth is, we may be trying to “love” the other in an attempt to satisfy our “need” for the other.
By Julie Clinton
I remember the email Tim and I got from a friend of ours shortly after his wedding. It told of a crystal vase he and his wife had received as a special wedding present, a vase that was very special to her. The email also told about their first real fight they had as newlyweds. He wrote that in the heat of an argument, "I got stupid and so angry that I grabbed that vase, threw it across the room, and it split into a million pieces. It was awful. Since then it's gone downhill." In a Charlie Brown-style postscript at the end of the email he wrote, "Marriage…uggggghhhhh."
Shirley and I have taken our prayer life a bit more seriously. In fact, this communication between man and God has been the stabilizing factor throughout our years of married life. In good times, in hard times, in moments of anxiety and in periods of praise, we have shared this wonderful privilege of talking directly to our Heavenly Father. What a concept.
Question: Dr. Dobson, you've been happily married for more than fifty years now. Have you ever been tempted to be unfaithful to your wife? What are the danger points that those of us who are younger should watch for?
How, then, can we keep cracks from developing in the sidewalks of our marriages? Well, the surest way to avoid an affair is to flee temptation as soon as it confronts you. Author Jerry Jenkins has referred to this determination to preserve moral purity as "building hedges" around marriage so that temptation is never given a foothold. You take steps to protect yourself and enhance the level of trust in your marriage at the same time.
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. —Ephesians 5:33 In Men are Like Waffles—Women are Like Spaghetti, Bill and Pam Farrell describe the mind of men and women.
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