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February 02, 2016

Men: Say "No" To Porn and Say "I Love You"


A recent statistic from Covenant Eyes indicated that 93% of boys will view online porn before they reach the age of 18 (62% for girls). While I could easily quote numerous studies that show the life-long destructive effects of porn on men and women, I don't need to. I've personally witnessed enough marriages and families that have been ripped apart by pornography to know how damaging its effects can be. Yet, it doesn't need to be this way.


Men, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, one of the greatest ways to communicate your love and devotion to your wife is to say "NO" to pornography, and I mean all types of porn—both the so-called "soft porn" that is in many of the PG-13 and R-rated movies as well as the "hard-core" porn that is easily accessible online. By saying no to pornography, you're fulfilling your marriage vow to only have eyes for your wife. However, saying no to pornography is not just for the married men out there. Sadly, most boys are defiling their marriage beds before they are even old enough to drive a car. This is a colossal issue for boys, teens and men (not to say it's not an issue for our girls and women as well, especially if you consider the wide popularity of 50 Shades of Grey.)


Over the past decade in family ministry, I've met only a few men that haven't struggled with pornography in some way. Really, when I think about it some more, I've only met one man (that I believe) who told me it wasn't a problem for him. So if you're a wife and/or a mom with a teen son reading this blog, know this: Your husband and/or son(s) are likely struggling with this issue or will soon be struggling with this issue. I'm not writing this to scare you. It's a reality because of how men are wired, and we need to collectively do something about it.

Men—Here are 5 reasons why we need to say NO to pornography (the list could easily be longer, especially if I asked our wives to contribute):

1. Viewing pornography devalues my wife.

This should be a no-brainer for every man out there. When we intentionally view porn and/or women in little to no clothing, we're telling our wives that they're not good enough for us. Regardless as to how we may try to rationalize or tell our wives otherwise, our actions speak loudest. Bottom line—we're finding pleasure in other women other than our wives. How else do we expect them to feel?

2. Viewing pornography robs my wife of my complete devotion (which she deserves).

For most men (if not all), pornography is a sexual experience. There is great passion and sexual emotions tied to it—and that's why it's so addictive. Yet, my sexual passion and emotional intimacy that accompanies sex is meant only for one other person—my wife. On a very personal note, when I made the decision to only have eyes for my wife and covenanted with God not to look at another women, the intimacy my wife and I share grew exponentially.

3. Viewing pornography will adversely impact my children.

No man is an island and there is no sin committed that doesn't impact those around us. Our marriages are foundational anchors for our children. Pornography will always cause this anchor to be set adrift. Our kids will find out one way or another that we're choosing our own self-gratification over loving our wives and families as we should. By choosing to view pornography, we're willingly putting our kids at risk to follow in our footsteps and laying a broken foundation for their lives. Do we want this for our sons and daughters?

4. Viewing pornography is committing a form of adultery.

Jesus stated it simply, "that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). There's no way to sugarcoat this poison. Viewing porn is like dancing with the devil—you will get burnt. This is not to say that we will never "lust" at another woman for the rest of our lives. However, when we sense our mind is heading down this forbidden road, it is absolutely necessary that we stop ourselves. Our walk with God, our marriage and our family is at stake. When I find myself being tempted, I quickly turn to God and remind myself that this marriage is ultimately a covenant that He has established. It's about glorifying Him, and I need to do everything I can to protect it. Here's the best part. Within God's marriage covenant, there is total provision and protection. As I cling to God and my wife, God will pull us close and grow our marriage.

5. Viewing pornography weakens my relationship with God.

As a Christian, this is the biggest reason why I want to run from any temptation to view pornography or look at another women (in a romantic or sexual way). To look at another woman in lust is wrong. It's a sin. God's word also indicates that a pattern of unconfessed sin will adversely impact my relationship with Him. So what's it going to be? As a Christian husband and father, my relationship with God needs to define who I am and how I live. If I'm called by Christ to offer my body as a living sacrifice as an act of worship (Romans 12:1), certainly this includes how I uphold the sacred covenant of marriage.

These five reasons hold true for every married man. They also apply to our boys, teens and single men. Whatever you do before you marry will be carried with you when you walk down the isle on your wedding day. Men, we reap what we sow. Regardless of your marriage status or your age, porn will warp your life and the relationships around you.

It's high time we declare an all-out war against this devastating nemesis. Our wives and children need to know we will go to battle for them. God would have it no other way. Join me this Valentine's Day season and make the commitment to your wife to only have eyes for her. Take the time to write it out in your own words. Give it to her and then do whatever it takes to live it out one day at a time. This is where prayer and accountability are essential. Look to God to show you the way and find some men to walk this path with you. You won't regret it...and neither will your wife or children.

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