Voices of the Family | Family Talk

What's Your Motive?

Written by Dr. James Dobson | February 02, 2018
I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. 
Song of Songs 7:10 


Let's face it: Sex is a topic on the mind of just about every husband andwife. (Some wives claim their husbands think of nothing else!) The physical union of man and woman is one of the most pleasurable and meaningful aspects of marriage. 


Yet when a couple engages in sex for thewrong reasons, intercourse quickly loses its significance and can become an empty obligation. The late Dr. David Hernandez once offered some common, "non-loving" motives for sex:

• To fulfill one's marital duty,
• To repay or secure a favor,
• As a conquest,
• As a substitute for verbal communication,
• To overcome feelings of inferiority,
• As an enticement for emotional love,
• As a defense against anxiety and tension,
• As a form of self-gratification without seeking to satisfy the other.

God designed sex as an intimate expression of love between husband and wife. Anything that fails to meet that standard leaves one partner feeling unsatisfied and exploited.