Navigating a time of grief and loss is never easy. Especially if it’s sudden or unexpected. Whether you’re reeling from a divorce, breakup, or death of a loved one, you may feel sad, broken-hearted, or just numb.
Your heart is heavy.
Life seems to be moving in slow motion.
Even your physical body hurts.
Recently, Americans were shocked and saddened by the tragic shooting of Charlie Kirk, a prominent political author and speaker who was assassinated at an outdoor speaking engagement on a college campus.
Charlie was passionate about sharing his Christian faith and articulated well how biblical values impact culture—and how we can make a difference. Sadly, he was only 31 years old. Listen to our Family Talk broadcast about Charlie Kirk’s passing here.
For me personally, the passing of Dr. James Dobson a few weeks ago was a great loss. He was my boss and my friend. Indeed, he was one of the most influential evangelical leaders in America for more than 48 years—the voice of wisdom on issues of faith, family, and freedom for millions of radio (and online) listeners around the world.
He was also a genuinely kind and friendly person who loved and served God heartily. Thankfully, his legacy lives on with timeless biblically-based content on the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute website, Family Talk radio broadcast, social media and other outlets.
Certainly the emotions that go with grief are like a roller coaster, up and down, with unexpected twists and turns. How do you handle the emotional pain?
How do you find your way forward?
Of course, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but here are some ideas I’ve found helpful in working through loss.
- Pray. The best way to find peace and comfort is to go to God first. Prayer is talking with God and listening. You can pray alone, with caring friends, or both. As you give your grief to God, you’re releasing your emotional pain. You can do that by simply telling God how you feel. He is always there to listen and console you. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Cast your worries, release them, as you’d cast a fishing rod, but leave your cares with Him; don’t reel them back in. “Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7).
God loves you more than you know. And He will help you through this sorrowful time.
- Grieve. You may still be in shock and find it hard to cry, or the tears are flowing readily. Either way, let yourself cry. Tears bring healing as you release your pain.
Don’t rush your grief, even if others are telling you to “get over it.” There is no timetable for dealing with loss, and we all handle it differently. My friend Lynn recently reminded me, “We grieve because we loved; that person was important to us, he or she mattered.” Know that you have permission to feel your emotions, find comfort, and work through it in your own way and timing.
Some people find it helpful to journal their thoughts. Getting your emotions on paper or online gets them out of your head—another form of release.
Talking to close friends or family members can be helpful, too. Sometimes the best thing someone else can do for you is to simply be with you, even in silence the presence of a caring friend can be comforting.
God’s Word brings comfort. You can find strength from the Lord as you read the Bible, think on what you’ve read, and apply it to your daily life. When I need peace, I often rely on this comforting verse:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
In addition, grieving can take its toll on your health, so remember to take care of yourself. I have learned that self-care is not selfish. It’s necessary to be able to function well—in good times and difficult times. Aim to get enough sleep, eat healthier foods, drink enough water, and get some movement. Even a brisk walk can be helpful.
Beauty is restorative. It’s amazing how sadness can dissipate when you get out in nature, God’s creation. Or, visit an art museum or garden. Listen to music that soothes you.
Sometimes even the most unlikely things can bring comfort. Years ago, I was in Door County, a popular vacation spot in Wisconsin, with friends. I was recovering from a horrible breakup. The sadness of losing someone I loved had lingered for months and I couldn’t shake it.
Surprisingly, riding on a jet ski in the middle of the vast open waters of Ephraim Bay—with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair—swept away some of the grief. And I began to feel alive again.
- Do the Next Thing. In this time of loss, it’s helpful to take life one step at a time. Elizabeth Elliott encouraged readers to “do the next thing” (a phrase she found in a book of poetry from the late 1800s, which is still relevant today). In essence, simply focus on the next task in front of you. And don’t get overwhelmed by everything you need to do. Keep it simple. For instance:
Get up.
Get dressed.
Eat breakfast.
Call a friend.
Go to work.
Just do the next thing.
And then take a nap, if needed. Rest is healing.
- Trust God for New Beginnings. Is there life after loss? Most assuredly, yes. The human heart is resilient and able to bounce back from trials. Or, as I like to say, “bounce forward.”
As you step into the next chapter of your life, it may feel uncertain or empty, like blank pages in a book, but the Author of Life—our great God—isn’t finished with your story yet. He still has more for you to experience. As you look to our wise and loving God each day, a new storyline unfolds in your life.
In fact, new beginnings bring new opportunities. Ask God to give you “a fresh vision” for what is next. He will provide wisdom and guidance in the days ahead—strength for each day and bright hope for tomorrow.
Perhaps something unexpectedly good is just around the corner. Remember the words of the prophet Jeremiah,
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
(Jeremiah 33:3)
One day, maybe soon, you will say “goodbye” to grief and “hello” to joy returning to your life.
In the meantime, remember you are not alone. The Lord of “I am with you” (Isaiah 41:10) promises to strengthen you and help you in times of need.
And with His amazing love, true peace, and infinite power working in you, you will make it through the dark times and back into the light again.
Press in and press on. Your healing will come.
“I will exalt you, Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths…
I called to you for help, and you healed me.”
Psalm 30:1-2
