Dear Friends,

 

Last year God blessed me with an extraordinary gift – my first grandchild. I had heard Dr. Dobson and other friends talk about the indescribable joy one gets looking at the face of your grandchild, but I couldn’t comprehend it until I laid eyes on my beautiful granddaughter last spring.

You who are parents and grandparents also know what accompanies the elation – a sobering respect for the world in which our precious children and grandchildren grow. I knew this feeling, but my daughter (the mother of my granddaughter) had never experienced the tension of these emotions until the day she brought her baby home from the hospital.

That day, my daughter packed her lovely newborn girl into her top-of–the-line car seat and made her husband drive below forty miles per hour down the highway. They arrived home, and I will never forget the look on her face when I met her at the front door. Her eyes were filled with fear, and it broke my heart. She looked at me and said, “Mom, there is so much out there that can hurt her!”

How little she really knows because she is just beginning this lovely, God-graced journey called parenting. I wanted to reply, “Oh, honey, why do you think I have been fighting so hard and long for children?” I will tell her, but not for a while because, for now, I don’t want fear to dampen her joy. She will learn first hand of the dangers to her baby girl all too soon.

As a pediatrician of thirty years, there are days when I come home from work and say to my husband that I have seen everything outlandish, indescribable and distorted that can harm children. As soon as I say that nothing will surprise me, something does. You know what I mean because you who love children have felt distressed, fearful and resolute about the fact that things in our culture can’t get worse. And then they do.  Miley Cyrus, looked up to by millions of adolescent girls, was lauded as “artistic and creative” when she performed pornographic gestures on national television. Did her father reprimand her (after all, she wasn’t even 21 years old)?
No, on the contrary. Her father made his own titillating video that any 12 year-old boy would
find entertaining.

Girls and boys alike are under constant assault by the media because they are the ones who will buy into the lewdness. They will download artists’ songs from iTunes, go to the Facebook pages of Miley and her father and be instructed that life is better the way these folks live than according to what their parents tell them. That means that not only are children assaulted, but so too are their parents. Since mothers are usually the child’s first line of defense against these attacks, they will feel the heat first. After all, mothers and grandmothers are the ones who spend the most time with children exposed to such nonsense. Thus, mothers need more help.

I recently launched Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Sons (Ballantine) because mothers need help now like they’ve never needed it before, particularly when it comes to raising sons. Mothers are constantly given conflicting, confusing advice. And they have many questions. Should they work outside the home (like all of their friends) to make money for college tuition, a second car or a pool; or should they stay home with their children? As they seek answers, mothers are given mountains of bad advice – most via the Internet by well-intentioned women who have no expertise in parenting or child development.

In my book, I write about the importance of teaching sons not just lessons on how to succeed more in life, but on how to have wisdom and responsibility. Do we ever hear about these? We really don’t. Most parenting advice revolves around how to get your kids to perform better at school or on the soccer field or how to get into an Ivy League college (hence, the popularity of the Tiger Mom book). Seriously? Is our job as mothers to raise kids who have an impressive portfolio by 18, or is it to raise good men and women? Here’s what I write to mothers of sons in my new book.

“Wisdom is a curious thing. It is not knowledge or judgment, intelligence, insight, or the willingness to do what is right. Nor is it simply spiritual, given supernaturally by God. It is all of these combined. Wisdom is crucial to good parenting because every parent aspires to be wise and then pass that wisdom on to their children. As mothers, we can give our kids clothing, an education, love and all sorts of comforts; but when we teach them wisdom, we prepare them to handle anything that life throws at them. Having wisdom helps them draw on many character qualities, such as perseverance, patience, and assertiveness, and use those qualities to overcome challenging moments in their lives. Passing motherly wisdom along to our sons can feel like an elusive, frightening task. What is the best way to do that, we wonder?”

Of course, I go on to explain exactly how we mothers do this. Wisdom and responsibility are critical for sons to learn in order to grow into healthy, godly young men. That’s just a slice of what we’re teaching here at Family Talk.

Mothers who raise sons also struggle with understanding what boys really need as they mature. They seek out answers, and again much of the advice they find comes primarily from women who understand even less about the needs of boys. And considering that somewhere between one-third and one-half of all mothers parent alone, their stress is often overwhelming. Frequently, single mothers with teenage boys ask me how to handle their son’s addiction to “screen time,” which includes video games, the Internet, iPhones, iPads, iPods, etc. They fear that their sons are becoming more and more disengaged from them and even their friends. (The truth is, the boys are becoming less engaged.) Married mothers, too, struggle to help their sons navigate their way through a culture which tells them that the only way to real happiness is through partying, sexual activity and drinking.

And the intensity of a mother’s battle is honestly increasing. Most mothers strain to hold onto their sons and keep them on a healthy track. However, the pull of electronics, a hyper-sexualized culture and school systems that are paralyzed to really teach seem too powerful to combat. Mothers are frustrated and exhausted. Most importantly, many I speak with feel powerless to have a positive influence on their sons or their daughters because they are told (by the media, well-meaning friends and even their physicians!) that what teens really need are good peers, not good parents. They are told, after all, that a mother’s influence over her son’s decisions is limited and decreases with age.

Friends, this is unequivocally not true! All the best research shows that mothers (and fathers) are the primary influence over a son’s character, identity formation and the decisions he makes – even during the tough teen years.  Parents change the way boys think, and they are the ones who keep sons away from all the high-risk behaviors. Good relationships with parents lessen a boy’s chances of depression, anxiety, poor school performance, etc. And we must tell them. We must encourage these parents and give them rock solid truth from the best scientific research to sound biblical reasoning. Mothers have never needed truth like they do now because they feel as though they are faltering. Many want to throw up their hands, and you and I must not let them. If they do, then our families truly will collapse and God help us then.

We have everything that we need to give hope and sound counsel to mothers across the United States. I don’t know about you, but as a Christian, pediatrician, grandmother and mother, I believe that the time to help is now. I know that you believe this, too. This is how we at Family Talk plan on helping mothers.

Over the next year, we intend to bring solid Christian advice to every hurting, confused or happy mother who will listen. We will air radio programs in which we interview high profile Christian experts: authors, teachers and speakers who have strong and clear messages for Christian parents. And, we will interview real mothers who struggle with the same things you or your adult children struggle with – kids who have left home, rebelled and then returned. How did these mothers cope? We will bring answers. We will teach mothers how to discipline children (particularly mothers who have sons who won’t listen) of all ages. I have an “Ask Dr. Meg” column, where I answer questions about how to talk with kids about divorce, sex, a gay aunt or uncle, or bullying. We are not afraid of hitting the tough issues head on.

We will write blogs about how mothers can simplify their lives, enjoy life more, overcome depression, and find help for children with anxiety or ADHD. Ryan Dobson and I recently recorded radio shows on learning disorders and what a mother can do if she suspects her child has one. We speak directly about why mothers need to stop criticizing fathers and how to help dads engage their children more.

The most exciting part of the work we do for you is that everything we write, record and speak about is done from a biblical context because, first and foremost, our goal at Family Talk is to bring Christ’s love to His people. And I am thrilled to say that God is blessing the socks off of us. I have personally been fighting the war on the over-sexualization of children for 20 years, and I have never been more encouraged in the battle. Twenty years ago, few fellow Christians fought with me. Teaching teens to be sexually abstinent was almost unheard of. Not only are teens listening now, more parents (many of whom are concerned mothers and grandmothers) are joining the battle, and I see changes in the sexual behavior of teens both in my office and in high schools across the country where I speak.

Friends, we are making headway! We are making a difference in the lives of parents, children,  grandparents and families across the country, and I am personally honored to be part of the fight.

Here are some questions I have for you. What influence can you have over the emotional, spiritual and physical health of your children or grandchildren in the next 10 years? Will you spend your hard earned income buying your daughter a car or more time at the hockey rink for your son to improve his skills? Or are you willing to sacrifice in order to provide excellent, biblical teaching on parenting so that you, your children or grandchildren can learn to thrive in a toxic culture?
Most of us can’t single-handedly change the culture, but we can impact parents. We can bring
truth, encouragement and sound teaching to every mother, father, grandmother, grandfather and step-parent.

This month of May, we have a donor who is graciously willing to match every gift given! With that money, we can do God’s good work for parents and families. You know that we mean business and that we honor your money because it is God’s. If you have any question regarding the effectiveness of your contribution, look at Dr. Dobson’s record. He (with God’s blessing, of course) built Focus on the Family to be the Christian voice for family and parenting. He left there four years ago, and the very next day started a new ministry called Family Talk. As he has done for 36 years, he accepts no salary for his work on behalf of families. It is a labor of love. You know that he is fully committed to this cause, and so is the rest of the staff at Family Talk.

Fathers, we need your financial support so that your wife can be a better mother. Mothers, we need your support so that we can continue to help you. Grandfathers and grandmothers, for the sake of your grandchildren, we count on you to help us help them.

Would you prayerfully consider giving a gift above and beyond what you have ever given? I don’t ask this in any self-serving manner. Each staff member at Family Talk works with a strong sense of mission because we believe that our work is God’s calling on our lives. We can promise that your dollars will be used respectfully and honorably. On behalf of the millions of children in the United States, thank you very much. May God bless you richly in the year ahead.

Also, and as I said before, we believe the role of mothers is priceless. From all of us at Family Talk, may you know of our gratitude and esteem for you. Happy Mother’s Day to each of you who have influenced a child to love God and others!

Sincerely,

 

Meg Meeker, M.D.

Co-Host of Family Talk Radio

and Physician in Residence

 

 

 

This letter may be reproduced without change and in its entirety for non-commercial and non-political purposes without prior permission from Family Talk. Copyright © 2014 Family Talk. All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured. Printed in the U.S.A. Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk is not affiliated with Focus on the Family.