If you want a resolution that truly transforms your year, resolve to love better—because at the heart of a worthwhile life is the quality of your relationships. You can chase better habits, bigger goals, or greater success, but none of that compares to the strength, love, and connection you can experience with the people closest to you. Your relationships impact your well being, your joy, and the way you move through every day of your life.
To help you connect with others this year, here are three suggested “resolutions” for your relationships:
1. Cultivate at least three close friendships.
A 2017 study in the journal Personal Relationships observed 270,000 people in about 100 countries and found that as they got older, participants tended to associate friends, even more than family members, with happiness and better health.
Building these core relationships will take some time and effort. Every week, get to know these three friends’ joys, experiences, or challenges. Strengthen these bonds by making regular contact— whether in person, on the phone, or through social media. Invite one of these friends to join you in an enjoyable monthly activity.
Having a few good friends will help provide a more well-rounded life. You’ll feel happier and can take on the difficulties of life when people who genuinely care about you are available to offer support and encouragement.
When you have someone with whom you can share the joys and struggles of life, you don’t feel so alone. Knowing that person is there for you to offer comfort and strength is invaluable.
Research repeatedly shows that relationships are good for your emotional well-being. So, it would be wise for you to put “fostering friendships” and “loving well” at the top of your list of New Year’s resolutions, as they will enhance the quality of your life.
2. Enjoy time with your spouse.
Let’s be honest, life is better, and you’re so much happier when you’re getting along with your spouse. So, what is it like when you’re at odds? The day just doesn’t go as well. You may feel burdened, as though a gray cloud is following you. Should days turn into weeks, months, or even years with issues left unresolved, resentment can build, and a sense of distance may grow.
Arguments and unsettled conflicts can easily fill your life with stress, anxiety, and even hopelessness, which often spills over into your job, parenting, and projects. Marital stress can make you more irritable, draining you of energy and making it difficult to concentrate. When you ruminate over all that isn’t going well in your marriage, you can find yourself impatient, grumpy, and wondering whether or not you and your spouse belong together in the first place. Life just feels heavier.
By contrast, when you’re able to enjoy each other, talk through issues, and resolve conflicts, you feel more connected. This enables you to face life’s difficulties together. You find the confidence to tackle stressful projects at work, parent your children, or complete the chores of the day. The well-known “hand-holding” research project by Coan and Johnson indicates that when a husband and wife perceive each other as a safe haven, simply holding hands can be a buffer to pain. Life becomes better together.
Invest time and energy to make marriage a relationship you value. If you’re in a rough season of marriage, if resentment has built up and created a sense of disconnection, try to unravel the “tangled” spots and enable wounds to heal. Life is too short to live emotionally separated from your spouse.
3. Remember that God is always there—every moment of the day.
It is up to you to slow down, look up, and trust that He is present in the midst of your circumstances. Your relationship with the Lord makes His wisdom, guidance, and comfort available. God is with you, no matter what.
He knows the importance of living life in relationship because He designed the need for it. People were created and are created to live in community rather than on their own. Jesus’ friends were vitally important to Him. Similarly, healthy relationships become a “safe haven” for rest, companionship, and the assurance that someone (and most of all, the Lord) will be there for you—come what may.
