The Time When Boys Slow Down and Open Their Hearts

It’s hard to believe, but August marks the anniversary of Dr. James Dobson’s passing. To honor his life and legacy, I want to reflect on wisdom drawn from his book, Bringing Up Boys. Few people understood youngsters the way he did, and no one championed families with such clarity and compassion. His biblical insights continue to guide parents who are raising energetic, curious, and sometimes bewildering young men. My mom listened to Dr. Dobson faithfully, and his teaching influenced how she responded in one of my favorite stories about her….

It was a routine afternoon of washing dishes for my mom. Soap bubbles floated across the sink as she stood at the window, enjoying the view of the quiet pasture behind our house. Then, all of a sudden, horror struck!

Right out of a scene from Band of Brothers came parachutes, one after another, drifting past the glass. Only these parachutes did not carry soldiers.

They carried rats!

My brothers had been given the honorable task of caring for their classroom pets over the weekend. As boys often do, they decided to make the assignment more interesting. They climbed onto our second-story roof (a fairly common occurrence), tied parachutes to their furry passengers, and sent them airborne. Thankfully, none of the creatures was harmed.

My mother, being the good sport she was, ran outside and shouted, “You boys, stop that right now! Well … do it one more time so I can watch … and then stop.”

Looking back, I think she was a professional boy mom. She handled chaos with humor and steady resolve. Having grown up with five brothers and a strong father prepared her well. Not every woman has that background, which can make raising sons feel overwhelming.

Dr. James Dobson understood that challenge. In Bringing Up Boys, he wrote:

“One of my colleagues, Dr. Tim Irwin, shared his observation that women who have not grown up with brothers are often shocked by the sheer physicality of boys—by the sights and sounds and smells they generate. Some admit they are completely ‘clueless’ in knowing how to deal with them. One obvious suggestion is to help boys release their excess energy by getting them involved in activities where fighting, laughing, running, tumbling, and yelling are acceptable. Soccer, karate, Little League, and football are a few possibilities. Moms also need to keep boys’ little minds and hands busy. It’s in their best interest to do so. My father once said about our energetic toddler, ‘If you let that kid get bored, you deserve what he’s going to do to you.’ Shirley’s stepfather, who has a South Dakota accent, once said after babysitting our kids for a week, ‘Oh, der good kids. You just gotta keep ‘em out in da open.’ Good advice!”

If you are raising one or more sons, you may wonder how to shape their hearts when they can barely sit still. There is an old saying that carries more truth than we realize: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” That principle applies to boys as well.

Dr. Dobson often emphasized that sons long for connection even when they do not know how to express it. They may hide that desire behind humor, bravado, silence, or defiance. Rarely do they schedule serious talks. They open up when they feel relaxed and unpressured. For many families, the dinner table provides one of the few predictable places where that connection can occur.

I saw this in my own home. My mother (along with my father) reached her sons’ hearts at mealtime. She prepared simple but delicious dishes that we still crave decades later. As my three brothers and I fought for the food, she listened as we retold the day’s adventures. She laughed with us, occasionally at us, and shared what the Lord had shown her during Scripture reading that morning. Those moments seemed ordinary then, yet they impacted us in lasting ways.

Mealtime is more than just refueling growing bodies. It may be the one daily opportunity when your son is seated long enough to be known. When approached with intention, eating with him becomes a doorway to his heart.

1. Make the Family Table a Safe Place

A boy will not speak freely if he expects correction or embarrassment. Dr. Dobson consistently reminded parents that sons respond best when they feel respected, even when they fall short. The dinner table should not resemble a courtroom. It should feel like a refuge.

This does not remove the importance of discipline. It simply means that suppertime is not the hour for interrogation. When a young man senses that he can speak without being mocked or immediately scrutinized, he becomes more willing to share. Over time, that relaxed atmosphere builds trust.

2. Ask Questions That Invite Stories

Many boys respond with shrugs or single words, especially during adolescence. Instead of asking, “How was school?” try questions that spark a narrative: “What made you laugh today?” “Did anything surprise you?” “Who did you enjoy spending time with today?”

Dr. Dobson observed that sons often find it easier to describe events rather than feelings. As they recount experiences, emotions surface naturally. When a mother listens without interrupting, she gains insight into what excites her child, what troubles him, and who influences him.

3. Laugh Together

Sons flourish in environments that feel welcoming. Shared humor lowers defenses and strengthens connection. Inside jokes and playful yet harmless teasing foster a sense of belonging.

When home is associated with warmth and joy, a boy is less inclined to seek affirmation elsewhere. Dr. Dobson noted that young men gravitate toward places where they feel valued. If the family table seems tense, he may withdraw. If it feels inviting, he will linger.

4. Speak Life Into Him

The dinner hour offers a natural setting to affirm your son’s character. Comment on his effort rather than focusing solely on the outcome. Draw attention to his kindness, perseverance, or creativity. Energetic boys often hear more correction than encouragement.

Dr. Dobson warned that constant criticism can harden a heart or lead to disengagement. Affirmation strengthens identity. When you speak words of belief into your son, you help him see himself as valued and capable.

5. Weave Truth Into Conversation

Passing on a Christian heritage should not feel forced. As you recount the day, look for openings to highlight God’s faithfulness and wisdom. When challenges arise, ask, “What choice would honor the Lord?” When blessings appear, pause to give thanks.

Dr. Dobson emphasized that boys learn best through practical application. The family table provides a daily opportunity to connect biblical truth with real-life decisions.

6. Protect the Time

In a culture that pulls family members in every direction, shared meals require intention. That should involve turning off devices, adjusting schedules, and perhaps choosing uncomplicated meals that allow you to focus on conversation. The menu need not be elaborate—kids enjoy simple meals. What matters is consistency.

Your son may not remember every entrée, but he will recall how it felt to belong. He will remember being heard. He will look back with fondness when picturing how his mother looked him in the eye and cared about his world.

No method guarantees an exact outcome. Yet when you cultivate a warm environment and engage your son’s heart, you build something sturdy and lasting. You show him that home is more than a place to eat and sleep. It is where he is known and loved.

Years from now, you may still be telling stories around that same table. We certainly are. The tale of parachuting rats resurfaces at every family reunion, drawing laughter every time. That memory has become part of our shared history. My mom passed many years ago, but all four of us boys still “rise up and call her blessed” (Proverbs 31:28).

So tell stories while your boys are seated long enough to listen. Those moments will outlast the meals and bring life to your family.