Question: You have described the nature of willfully defiant behavior and how parents should handle it. But does all unpleasant behavior result from rebellion and disobedience?
Answer: No. Defiance can be very different in origin from the “challenging” response I’ve detailed in these blogs. A child’s negativism may be caused by frustration, disappointment, fatigue, illness, or rejection, and therefore must be interpreted as a warning signal to be heeded.
Perhaps the toughest task in parenthood is to recognize the difference between these behavioral messages. A child’s resistant behavior always contains a message to his parents, which they must decode before responding.
For example, a disobedient youngster may be saying, “I feel unloved now that I’m stuck with that screaming baby brother. Mom used to care for me; now nobody wants me. I hate everybody.” When this kind of message underlies the defiance, the parents should move quickly to pacify its cause. The art of good parenthood, then, revolves around the interpretation of behavior.
From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide.
