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An Incredible Football Journey
February 6, 2026
Super Bowl champion Kurt Warner and his wife, Brenda, have walked through trials that would test anyone’s faith.
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Building a Grace Marriage, Part 2
February 5, 2026
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February 4, 2026
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Marriage with Grace and Honor
February 6, 2026
Hope for Your Marriage When Your Partner is Distant
Few things feel heavier than wanting to fight for your marriage when your spouse seems distant and unwilling. You may feel alone, exhausted, and unsure where to begin. It’s tempting to believe that if your mate’s heart has hardened, nothing can change at all. But Scripture offers a different kind of hope. While you can’t control another person, there are some things you can do to influence him or her.Bill was in that position. He did everything he could to save his marriage, but his wife refused to change. She didn’t want a divorce, but her heart was no longer in the relationship. When I started meeting with him, he was angry and frustrated. Nothing he did seemed to work, and his faith was starting to waver. I encouraged Bill with this truth: God often works powerfully through one willing heart.If you are trying to save your marriage when your spouse isn’t interested, here are three necessities that matter more than any technique or argument.
1. Heal Your Relationship With the Lord First
Before focusing on your spouse, God calls you to look inward and upward. A strained marriage often reveals a deeper spiritual weariness. Healing begins when you return to the Lord with all your heart in a spirit of honesty and humility.
Repentance: Starting With Yourself
When relationship struggles arise, it’s easy to point out your spouse’s faults. But Scripture takes you in a different direction. “Search me, O God, and know my heart” (Psalm 139:23, ESV). Repentance isn’t about taking all the blame—it involves asking God to show you where your attitudes, words, or reactions have not been honoring to Him.Repentance softens your heart. It breaks down pride and replaces it with humility. As you confess your sins and receive God’s forgiveness, you begin to respond to your mate with grace instead of bitterness.
Time in the Word: Letting God Shape You
When emotions are strong, truth becomes even more important. God’s Word renews your mind and brings hope and encouragement to your soul. “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16, ESV).You do not need to read large portions every day. Start small and stay consistent. I teach a simple way to study the Bible that asks four questions about each passage you read:
What does this teach me about God?
What does it teach me about myself?
What decisions does this require of me?
What actions does this passage ask me to take?
Over time, Scripture will gently reshape how you view your spouse and your situation.
Learning to Trust God
One of the hardest lessons in life is trusting the Lord when outcomes feel uncertain. You may desperately want a change of circumstances now, but God often works slowly and deeply on His own timetable. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5, ESV).Trusting God does not mean doing nothing. It means obeying Him even when you don’t see immediate results. As you walk faithfully, you can rest in Him, knowing that He is at work in ways you cannot see.When I asked Bill about his walk with the Lord, his time in the Word, and if he was trusting God, his head bowed in shame. He realized he wasn’t doing what he needed to connect with His Savior on a daily basis, and he knew there was no way he could lead his family spiritually in that condition. I also pointed out that his heart was hardened as well, because he wasn’t walking with the Lord. When two hard hearts collide, they keep pounding until one shatters. But one soft heart can tone down the collisions and begin to heal the relationship.
2. Consider Your Spouse More Important Than Yourself
The world teaches you to protect yourself first, but Scripture teaches you to love sacrificially. This kind of love is not based on how your spouse treats you. It is rooted in obedience to Christ. It can be extremely difficult, as your flesh demands that you defend your own way of thinking. Instead, let the principles in God’s Word change the way you think and act.
Choosing Humility Over Self-Protection
The Apostle Paul writes, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3, ESV). This command is especially challenging in marriage. When you feel hurt or ignored, humility seems unfair. But it does not mean you stop having boundaries or godly wisdom. It means you choose to respond with gentleness rather than anger or revenge.Considering your spouse more important than yourself begins with your thoughts. You no longer assume the worst. You stop replaying memories of old arguments in your mind. You begin praying for your mate, even when it costs you emotionally.
Loving Without Conditions
Jesus loved you while you were still a sinner (Romans 5:8). That same kind of love is now at work in you. Loving your spouse does not require his or her approval or participation. It requires faithfulness.That kind of love often disarms conflict. It creates space for healing. Even if your spouse does not respond right away, God honors obedience that flows from a sincere heart.I asked Bill whether he tried to win his arguments with his spouse. He said, “Of course, if I’m right, why would I give in?” I told him that being right isn’t the issue; it’s winning at all costs that hardens his wife. It’s self-defense for her. If he considered his wife more important, then winning wouldn’t be the goal. Working together to achieve a mutually agreeable outcome would be a much better objective. That means listening, asking questions to understand her priorities, and figuring out how to make her happy without compromising truth.
3. Pay Attention to Your Spouse’s Needs Every Day
Considering your mate more important than yourself becomes practical when you pay attention to his or her needs. This is not about grand gestures. It’s about daily thoughtfulness. Remember, your vows included “for better or worse.” If your mate is hard-hearted toward your relationship right now, you’re in the “worse” part of that vow. This is when it’s vital to keep doing what is right.
Learning What Your Spouse Truly Needs
Every person has deep relational needs, even if they don’t express them clearly. Some need encouragement. Others desire peace, affection, or understanding. In Scripture, James reminds us, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19, ESV).Pay attention to patterns. What causes your mate to feel stressed? What brings calm? What makes him or her feel respected? When you listen carefully, you will learn how to serve wisely.
Small Acts, Daily Faithfulness
Showing love to your spouse doesn’t require perfection. It requires consistency. Small acts of kindness—respectful words, patience, help without being asked—build trust over time. “Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18, ESV).Set aside a few minutes each day to serve your spouse intentionally. Pray for him or her by name. Look for one way to meet a need without expecting anything in return. These small acts of love often soften hearts in ways arguments never can.Today, Bill is working hard at making his wife happy by attending to at least one of her needs every day. Sometimes she wants time out of the house without the kids. Other times, she would just like for Bill to take out the trash or do the dishes without being asked. He’s finding more and more ways to encourage and bless his wife.
A Final Word of Hope
Saving a marriage is not about controlling the outcome. It’s about walking faithfully with God. When you heal your relationship with Him, choose humility, and love your mate through daily service, you place your marriage in God’s hands.You may not see immediate change, but faithfulness is never wasted. God sees your obedience, and He delights in those who trust Him. “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9, ESV).For Bill and his wife, it’s a long process. He had done a lot of damage to her heart through the years and she’s struggling to forgive, but step-by-step, Bill is shepherding her heart and praying it will soften.Even if your spouse is not interested in doing his or her part to improve the relationship, God is still at work. And He is more than able to bring hope when it feels lost. I can’t guarantee your marriage will survive—sometimes there’s just too much damage to recover. This is meant to be a starting point. There’s much more you can do. For instance, the featured broadcast below has an inspiring conversation between Dr. James Dobson and Gary Smalley. They provide a great deal of wisdom for building a beautiful relationship with the love of your life.
Recent Blogs
When Your Adult Child Is Hurting
February 2, 2026
Men's and Women's Differences in Sexual Desire
February 1, 2026
Reaching Our Prodigals
January 26, 2026
Read All Blogs
Policy & Culture
Marriage & Parenting
Dr. Dobson Minute
Resources
×
Broadcasts
Latest Broadcast
An Incredible Football Journey
February 6, 2026
Super Bowl champion Kurt Warner and his wife, Brenda, have walked through trials that would test anyone’s faith.
Station Finder
Recent Broadcasts
Building a Grace Marriage, Part 2
February 5, 2026
Building a Grace Marriage, Part 1
February 4, 2026
Breaking the Bonds of Welfare, Part 2
February 3, 2026
All Broadcasts
Blogs
Latest Blog
Marriage with Grace and Honor
February 6, 2026
Hope for Your Marriage When Your Partner is Distant
Few things feel heavier than wanting to fight for your marriage when your spouse seems distant and unwilling. You may feel alone, exhausted, and unsure where to begin. It’s tempting to believe that if your mate’s heart has hardened, nothing can change at all. But Scripture offers a different kind of hope. While you can’t control another person, there are some things you can do to influence him or her.Bill was in that position. He did everything he could to save his marriage, but his wife refused to change. She didn’t want a divorce, but her heart was no longer in the relationship. When I started meeting with him, he was angry and frustrated. Nothing he did seemed to work, and his faith was starting to waver. I encouraged Bill with this truth: God often works powerfully through one willing heart.If you are trying to save your marriage when your spouse isn’t interested, here are three necessities that matter more than any technique or argument.
1. Heal Your Relationship With the Lord First
Before focusing on your spouse, God calls you to look inward and upward. A strained marriage often reveals a deeper spiritual weariness. Healing begins when you return to the Lord with all your heart in a spirit of honesty and humility.
Repentance: Starting With Yourself
When relationship struggles arise, it’s easy to point out your spouse’s faults. But Scripture takes you in a different direction. “Search me, O God, and know my heart” (Psalm 139:23, ESV). Repentance isn’t about taking all the blame—it involves asking God to show you where your attitudes, words, or reactions have not been honoring to Him.Repentance softens your heart. It breaks down pride and replaces it with humility. As you confess your sins and receive God’s forgiveness, you begin to respond to your mate with grace instead of bitterness.
Time in the Word: Letting God Shape You
When emotions are strong, truth becomes even more important. God’s Word renews your mind and brings hope and encouragement to your soul. “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16, ESV).You do not need to read large portions every day. Start small and stay consistent. I teach a simple way to study the Bible that asks four questions about each passage you read:
What does this teach me about God?
What does it teach me about myself?
What decisions does this require of me?
What actions does this passage ask me to take?
Over time, Scripture will gently reshape how you view your spouse and your situation.
Learning to Trust God
One of the hardest lessons in life is trusting the Lord when outcomes feel uncertain. You may desperately want a change of circumstances now, but God often works slowly and deeply on His own timetable. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5, ESV).Trusting God does not mean doing nothing. It means obeying Him even when you don’t see immediate results. As you walk faithfully, you can rest in Him, knowing that He is at work in ways you cannot see.When I asked Bill about his walk with the Lord, his time in the Word, and if he was trusting God, his head bowed in shame. He realized he wasn’t doing what he needed to connect with His Savior on a daily basis, and he knew there was no way he could lead his family spiritually in that condition. I also pointed out that his heart was hardened as well, because he wasn’t walking with the Lord. When two hard hearts collide, they keep pounding until one shatters. But one soft heart can tone down the collisions and begin to heal the relationship.
2. Consider Your Spouse More Important Than Yourself
The world teaches you to protect yourself first, but Scripture teaches you to love sacrificially. This kind of love is not based on how your spouse treats you. It is rooted in obedience to Christ. It can be extremely difficult, as your flesh demands that you defend your own way of thinking. Instead, let the principles in God’s Word change the way you think and act.
Choosing Humility Over Self-Protection
The Apostle Paul writes, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3, ESV). This command is especially challenging in marriage. When you feel hurt or ignored, humility seems unfair. But it does not mean you stop having boundaries or godly wisdom. It means you choose to respond with gentleness rather than anger or revenge.Considering your spouse more important than yourself begins with your thoughts. You no longer assume the worst. You stop replaying memories of old arguments in your mind. You begin praying for your mate, even when it costs you emotionally.
Loving Without Conditions
Jesus loved you while you were still a sinner (Romans 5:8). That same kind of love is now at work in you. Loving your spouse does not require his or her approval or participation. It requires faithfulness.That kind of love often disarms conflict. It creates space for healing. Even if your spouse does not respond right away, God honors obedience that flows from a sincere heart.I asked Bill whether he tried to win his arguments with his spouse. He said, “Of course, if I’m right, why would I give in?” I told him that being right isn’t the issue; it’s winning at all costs that hardens his wife. It’s self-defense for her. If he considered his wife more important, then winning wouldn’t be the goal. Working together to achieve a mutually agreeable outcome would be a much better objective. That means listening, asking questions to understand her priorities, and figuring out how to make her happy without compromising truth.
3. Pay Attention to Your Spouse’s Needs Every Day
Considering your mate more important than yourself becomes practical when you pay attention to his or her needs. This is not about grand gestures. It’s about daily thoughtfulness. Remember, your vows included “for better or worse.” If your mate is hard-hearted toward your relationship right now, you’re in the “worse” part of that vow. This is when it’s vital to keep doing what is right.
Learning What Your Spouse Truly Needs
Every person has deep relational needs, even if they don’t express them clearly. Some need encouragement. Others desire peace, affection, or understanding. In Scripture, James reminds us, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19, ESV).Pay attention to patterns. What causes your mate to feel stressed? What brings calm? What makes him or her feel respected? When you listen carefully, you will learn how to serve wisely.
Small Acts, Daily Faithfulness
Showing love to your spouse doesn’t require perfection. It requires consistency. Small acts of kindness—respectful words, patience, help without being asked—build trust over time. “Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18, ESV).Set aside a few minutes each day to serve your spouse intentionally. Pray for him or her by name. Look for one way to meet a need without expecting anything in return. These small acts of love often soften hearts in ways arguments never can.Today, Bill is working hard at making his wife happy by attending to at least one of her needs every day. Sometimes she wants time out of the house without the kids. Other times, she would just like for Bill to take out the trash or do the dishes without being asked. He’s finding more and more ways to encourage and bless his wife.
A Final Word of Hope
Saving a marriage is not about controlling the outcome. It’s about walking faithfully with God. When you heal your relationship with Him, choose humility, and love your mate through daily service, you place your marriage in God’s hands.You may not see immediate change, but faithfulness is never wasted. God sees your obedience, and He delights in those who trust Him. “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9, ESV).For Bill and his wife, it’s a long process. He had done a lot of damage to her heart through the years and she’s struggling to forgive, but step-by-step, Bill is shepherding her heart and praying it will soften.Even if your spouse is not interested in doing his or her part to improve the relationship, God is still at work. And He is more than able to bring hope when it feels lost. I can’t guarantee your marriage will survive—sometimes there’s just too much damage to recover. This is meant to be a starting point. There’s much more you can do. For instance, the featured broadcast below has an inspiring conversation between Dr. James Dobson and Gary Smalley. They provide a great deal of wisdom for building a beautiful relationship with the love of your life.
Recent Blogs
When Your Adult Child Is Hurting
February 2, 2026
Men's and Women's Differences in Sexual Desire
February 1, 2026
Reaching Our Prodigals
January 26, 2026
Read All Blogs
Policy & Culture
Marriage & Parenting
Dr. Dobson Minute
Resources
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Dr. James Dobson
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September 7, 2015
Screaming at Trees and Children
Resist the temptation to yell at your kids — it’s the quickest way to break their spirit.
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