Okay, Mom. It’s your turn. Let’s talk about what it means to be a boy and how you might relate better to them. Many women admit that raising boys has been a special challenge. They remember what it was like to be a frilly little girl, but they have only a vague notion of how their sons feel, think, and behave. Boys are bent on making messes, teasing their siblings, racing through the house, and challenging every decision and order that comes their way. Women who have not grown up with brothers are often shocked by the sheer physicality of boys—by the sights and sounds and smells they generate. Some mothers admit they are completely “clueless” in knowing how to deal with them. One obvious suggestion is to help boys release their excess energy by getting them involved in activities where fighting, laughing, running, tumbling, and yelling are acceptable. Soccer, karate, Little League, and football are a few possibilities. Moms also need to keep boys’ little minds and hands busy. It’s in their best interest to do so. My father once said about our energetic toddler, “If you let that kid get bored, you deserve what he’s going to do to you.”

There’s another characteristic of boys that I’ll bet you’ve noticed. They ain’t listening most of the time. They have a remarkable ability to ignore anything that doesn’t interest them. Men are like that too. They honestly don’t hear the words that are being poured into their ears. That is why I recommend that you, as a mom, reach out physically and touch your boys if you want to get their attention. When they turn to look at you, give them your message in short bursts.

There is no way to overstate the importance of this mother-and-son connection. The quality of that relationship will have lifelong implications. Researchers found that early bonding is vital. It is even related to physical health forty or fifty years later. Incredibly, 91 percent of college men who said they had not enjoyed a close relationship with their mothers developed coronary artery disease, hypertension, duodenal ulcers, and alcoholism by their midlife years. Only 45 percent of the men who recalled maternal warmth and closeness had similar illnesses. Even more surprising is the fact that 100 percent of participants in this study whose parents were cold and distant went on to suffer numerous diseases in midlife. In short, the quality of early relationships between boys and their mothers is a powerful predictor of lifelong psychological and physical health. When certain needs are not met in infancy, trouble looms down the road.*

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Boys.

* “Parent’s Love Affects Child’s Health,” Reuters, 10 March 1997.