Day: August 13, 2025

It is time now to put a ribbon on our work together. I hope you have enjoyed this meandering look at the wonderful challenge of raising boys. There is nothing to compare with the privilege of bringing precious children into the world and then guiding them step-by-step through their developmental years and on toward maturity.

I wrote in the beginning of our discussion that our objective as moms and dads is to transform our sons from “immature and flighty youngsters into honest, caring men who will be respectful of women, loyal and faithful in marriage, keepers of commitments, strong and decisive leaders, good workers, and men who are secure in their masculinity,” It’s a tall order but one that can be achieved with wisdom and guidance from the Father. The primary mechanism by which these goals are realized is the application of confident leadership and discipline at home, tempered with love and compassion. It is an unbeatable combination.

That brings us to our ultimate priority as parents. At the top of the list is an understanding of who God is and what He expects our boys to do. This teaching must begin very early in childhood. Even at three years of age, a child is capable of learning that the flowers, the sky, the birds, and even the rainbow are gifts from God’s hand. He made these wonderful things, just as He created each one of us. The first Scripture our children should learn is, “God is love” (1 John 4:8). They should be taught to thank Him before eating their food and to ask for His help when they are hurt or scared.

We are to give the greatest emphasis to the spiritual development of our children. Nothing even comes close to it in significance. The only way you can be with your precious children in the next life is to introduce them to Jesus Christ and His teachings, hopefully when they are young and impressionable. This is Task Number One in child-rearing.

Not only is spiritual development relevant to eternity, it is also critical to the way your children will live out their days on this earth. Specifically, boys need to be well-established in their faith in order to understand the meaning of good and evil. They are growing up in a postmodern world in which all ideas are considered equally valid and nothing is really wrong. Wickedness is bad only in the minds of those who think it is bad. People who live by this godless outlook on life are headed for great pain and misery. The Christian worldview, by contrast, teaches that good and evil are determined by the God of the universe and that He has given us an unchanging moral standard by which to live. He also offers forgiveness from sins, which boys (and girls) have good reason to need. Only with this understanding is a child being prepared to face the challenges that lie ahead. Yet most American children receive no spiritual training whatsoever! They are left to make it up as they go along, which leads to a meaningless existence.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Boys.

Almost every authority on child development recognizes that schools are typically not set up to accommodate the unique needs of boys. Elementary classrooms, especially, are designed primarily by women to fit the temperament and learning styles of girls. This disadvantage for boys is largely unintentional. It is simply the way schools have always functioned. Harvard psychologist and author William S. Pollock said it this way: “Girls care more about school. They cope with it. Boys don’t. Boys are taught at a tempo that doesn’t fit them. They are taught in a way that makes them feel inadequate, and if they speak up, they are sent to the principal.” School can be a rugged place for those who don’t “fit in” with the typical classroom program. What do we do with these kids when they fall behind in the basics?

One thing is certain: Getting mad at this youngster will not solve the problem. You will never transform an underachieving youngster into a scholar by nagging, pushing, threatening, or punishing. It just isn’t in him. If you try to squeeze him into something he’s not, you’ll only aggravate yourself and wound the child. You should, on the other hand, stay as close as possible to this child’s school. Educational consultant Cheri Fuller suggests that moms and dads with middle school and high school students take a look at their notebooks. She says it is possible to tell whether a kid is a B student or a D student just by examining his school papers. An achieving student’s notebook is organized with dividers and folders for handouts and assignments. A failing student’s notebook is a mess of jumbled drawings, silly notes, folded airplanes, half-finished sentences, and written work that wasn’t turned in. There might even be a teacher’s note to Mrs. Smith or Mr. Johnson that never got home.

There is one other factor that must be given the greatest priority. If your son does not learn to read properly, everything else will be in jeopardy. As a parent, I would turn heaven and earth to someone who could teach my kid to read. There are gifted tutors in almost every community, and there are private organizations that guarantee they can teach your child to read. Even if you have to hock the house to pay for it, I urge you to solve this problem. It is the key to all academic objectives, and a world of adventure awaits those who learn to read. Once your son has learned the basics of reading, you need to motivate him to practice it.

Finally, to the parents of immature boys who are not ready to sit in class hour after hour, I urge you to at least consider other possibilities (such as homeschooling) while your boys are small. Your sons can excel if given an opportunity.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Boys.

Most experts believe boys’ tendency to take risks, to be more assertive, to fight and compete, to argue, to boast, and to excel at certain skills, such as problem-solving, math, and science, is directly linked to the way the brain is hardwired and to the presence of testosterone. This may explain why boys have “ants in their pants” when they are in the classroom.

The problem is that boys are often taught at such a tempo that it becomes difficult for them to adjust. Testosterone also accounts for boys’ early desire to be the strongest, bravest, toughest, rootin’-shootin kid on the range. It’s just the way God made them.

Is masculinity good or bad? Right or wrong? Are boys biologically defective?

Initially, it would appear that girls have all the right stuff. On average, they make fewer mistakes, take fewer risks, are better students, are more thoughtful of others, and are less impulsive than boys. Was testosterone one of God’s great mistakes? Would it be better if boys were more like girls and if men were more like women? Should men be feminized, emasculated, and “wimpified”? Most certainly not.

First, because it contradicts masculine nature and will never succeed, and second, because the sexes were carefully designed by the Creator to balance one another’s weaknesses and meet one another’s needs. Their differences didn’t result from an evolutionary error, as it is commonly assumed today. Each sex has a unique purpose in the great scheme of things.

Our objective as moms and dads is to transform our sons from immature and flighty youngsters into honest, caring men who will be respectful of women, loyal and faithful in marriage, keepers of commitments, strong and decisive leaders, good workers, and men who are secure in their masculinity.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Boys.