“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”
– Proverbs 31:26 (NIV)
It is impossible to overstate the importance of talking in the lives of girls and women. Though estimates vary, it appears that males use about seven thousand words per day; and females, twenty thousand.* Women not only talk more, but their enjoyment in conversation is far more intense. Connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers of a girl’s brain, providing a huge emotional reward for her. It is why teen girls are obsessed with text messaging and computer chat rooms. It also explains why one of the most common sources of disappointment women express about married life is that the guys won’t talk to them. Show me a husband who keeps his thoughts to himself, and I will show you a frustrated wife.
Little and not-so-little girls need to talk, too, especially about what they are feeling. Let me speak directly to the busy mom and dad who are too exhausted at the end of the day to get your kids talking, either at the dinner table or in those intimate few minutes before bedtime: you may be making a serious mistake. You need to know what your children are thinking, and they need the pleasure of telling you about it. Even though some loquacious kids will “talk the horns off a billy goat,” and you come home too tired to listen, it is imperative that you tune in—especially to your girls. There will come a time when they will be talking primarily to their peers, and the missed opportunities for understanding and intimacy today will be costly down the road.
This is why we should engage our kids in activities that encourage conversation, including eating together as a family, playing table games, inviting friends with kids to dinner, cooking together, building things, adopting a lovable dog or cat, cultivating mutual interests, or learning a sport such as skiing or tennis as a family. Remember how your daughter is made and seek invitations into that private world. You won’t regret it.
From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Girls.
* Allan Pease and Allan Garner, Talk Language: How to Use Conversation for Profit and Pleasure (London: Simon and Schuster, 1985).
Pray Over Your Daughter
Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank You for the unique gift of communicating with my daughter. Help me to recognize the importance of talking and listening, even when I feel tired or life gets busy. Grant me wisdom to engage in meaningful conversations with her, deepening our connection and relationship. Guide me in creating opportunities for my daughter to express her thoughts and feelings, while teaching her to speak respectfully. May these moments strengthen our family bond and prepare my daughter to confront the challenges of life with grace and wisdom.
Amen.
Put It Into Practice
- Make conversation a priority. Look for regular opportunities to talk with your daughter—at mealtime, in the car, during an activity, or before bed—and give her your full attention when she opens up.
- Listen now so she’ll keep talking later. Use these formative years to learn what your daughter is thinking and feeling, building a relationship that can help keep the lines of communication open as she grows.
- Teach respectful communication. When disagreements arise, help your daughter learn to express frustration, solve problems, and communicate what she feels without arguing, yelling, or speaking disrespectfully.
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