“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) “This is such a complicated time to be a parent.” If you are a father or a mother bringing up a girl, chances are good that you have recently said that. One of the phenomena that make parenting in our time so complicated is social media. Interactive digital platforms like X, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok simply did not exist when many of us parents were growing up. Nowadays, however, smartphones and the social media they feature have become ubiquitous. According to a 2022 study from the Pew Research Center, up to 95% of teenagers surveyed (ages thirteen to seventeen) said they use social media, with numerous teens using it “almost constantly.” This is not a small or insignificant part of modern parenting, although Christians rarely talk about it. But it is important that we do so, because while social media usage is not sinful in itself, neither is it as neutral as we might have once thought. Studies are showing that social media has significant, specific effects on young women. According to a Harvard report, ...

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.” – Romans 15:4 (NIV) I doubt if there has been another time in modern history when it has been more challenging to get youngsters through adolescence and into the relative safety of early adulthood. The sexual revolution of the sixties has now become the pop culture of today, although it is no longer as shocking to adults. As I mentioned earlier, there’s turmoil smoldering inside many adolescent girls. Therein lies the key to deciphering some of the behaviors that are otherwise incomprehensible. Specifically, this turbulence is the reason so many teen girls seek to harm themselves in disturbing ways. You’ve no doubt seen examples of this self-destructive behavior in the teen environment, perhaps by members of your own family. An alarming number of girls harbor deep-seated anger that has turned inward, leading them to starve themselves even to the point of death; secretly binge and purge; take prescription medications and illegal drugs; dull their senses with alcohol; cut and pierce their bodies; permanently ink themselves; engage in things like ...

“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.” – Proverbs 29:17 (NIV) Moms and dads should understand that the hormonal barrage that initiates puberty is highly traumatic to the female brain, and it can throw a girl into complete disequilibrium until she begins to adjust to it.* This is why parents must take the time to understand what she is going through. From pubescence through adolescence, there will be recurring times of moodiness, anxiety, anger, self-pity, and depression. There will also be moments of giddiness, glee, elation, and happiness. Emotions are on a roller coaster from the peak to the valley, and from one day—or one hour—to the next. The entire family sometimes hangs on for dear life until things start to settle down. For some girls, the return to equilibrium can take five years or longer. In the meantime, surging levels of estrogen and progesterone affect behavior and personality dramatically. They have the female brain (and parents) rocking and reeling. Just as estrogen drives the need for intimacy in infancy, it has the same effect in puberty and adolescence, only this time it is even more intense. The desire for ...

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand, you save me.” – Psalm 138:7 (NIV) I want to focus our attention today on bullying behavior among girls. Boys usually assault one another physically, by kicking, hitting, pulling down pants, and threatening weaker boys. Girls do it relationally, by backstabbing, harassing, name-calling, isolating, spreading rumors and lies, and just being nasty. Taunting behavior of this ilk is pervasive wherever girls are found. Approximately one in three students is either a perpetrator or a target of bullying, but every student is touched by it in one way or another. That means your daughter is likely to be impacted emotionally by bullying at some time during her developmental journey. She might even be the one doing the dirty work. One mother told me that her daughter awakens early each morning and lies in bed wondering, “How can I get through this day without being humiliated?” She worries about not having someone to sit with at lunch and how to do her hair and select clothes in ways that will not bring her ridicule. For ...

“Do not degrade your daughter by making her a prostitute, or the land will turn to prostitution and be filled with wickedness.” – Leviticus 19:29 (NIV) Modesty, which has represented the essence of womanhood for millennia, has undergone a radical transformation. Virginity is now seen as evidence of weakness and timidity. A modern woman should be brash, profane, aggressive, loud, angry, tough, and independent—anything but feminine and demure. Above all, she must be sexually liberated, which holds the key to her sense of empowerment. Engaging in casual hookups and immodest behavior, and even nudity in co-ed bathrooms, is thought to build confidence and display strength. This convoluted view of feminine nature turns reality on its head. Nevertheless, the majority of today’s teens and young adults, especially those attending secular universities, have been indoctrinated with moral relativism from which libertine behavior emanates. At a time when moral clarity is desperately needed, those who ought to be helping to hold the line are adding to the confusion and the enticement of youth. What chance do immature girls have to make right choices when even adults are urging them to do things that are foolish and dangerous? It’s hard enough for them to ...

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” – Isaiah 43:2 (NIV) Whether you have cuddly little preschool girls who are toddling around your house or budding young adults about to leave the nest, it is very important to understand how the culture is influencing their developing hearts and minds. We should never underestimate its force, which is like a powerful river that carries everything downstream with it. Protecting them from its ravages is far easier when they are young, of course—it becomes increasingly difficult with the passage of time. That is why a primary goal of parenting should be to introduce your children to moral and spiritual values during the early years. These underpinnings will help keep them afloat when the floodwaters come in spring. Let’s talk about that challenge. In years gone by, the River of Culture was a gentle stream that carried children along toward adulthood. Most of my friends and I made the journey with hardly a ripple. Today, parents are aware ...

“Our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.” – Psalm 144:12 (NIV) Daughters tend to be third in line for the attention of the man of the family . I have drawn that conclusion after many years of working with families. Fathers know intuitively that their boys require special attention, discipline, and leadership, but they are often unaware of how desperately their daughters also need them. Men usually understand that their sons are dependent on them throughout childhood, but I am convinced that girls need their fathers as much as boys do. A girl’s sense of self-worth and personal dignity are directly linked to what she believes her father thinks of her. There is a place in the female soul reserved for a Daddy, or a daddy figure, that will always yearn for affirmation. Not every girl or woman is the same, of course, but almost every girl desires a close bond with this most significant man in her life. She will adore him if he loves and protects her and if she finds safety and warmth in his arms. She will tend to see all men through the lens of that relationship. The ...

“A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.” – Proverbs 29:15 (NIV) Daughters (and sons) need firm leadership from the moment of birth onward, especially from Mom. Infants are like sponges soaking up the affection showered on them. They clearly prefer human stimuli above anything else. They are more sensitive to speech and singing than any other sound. A newborn has been listening to her mother’s voice from inside the womb for many months, and she is comforted by it. Brain development is greatly influenced and aided by the care and attention given in a nursery by mothers, grandmothers, or mother substitutes. As the months pass, this attachment provides a secure base that encourages the exploration of the surrounding environment. It also defines a child’s style of relating to others, teaches her to trust, helps her interpret her feelings, and acquaints her with intimacy. To put it succinctly, Mom, you are indispensable. The encouragement and confidence Mom provides is a primary factor in nudging her toddler out to the edges of her universe. At about five years of age, a child will gradually become more independent and confident, especially if the bond with ...

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” – Proverbs 31:26 (NIV) It is impossible to overstate the importance of talking in the lives of girls and women. Though estimates vary, it appears that males use about seven thousand words per day; and females, twenty thousand.* Women not only talk more, but their enjoyment in conversation is far more intense. Connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers of a girl’s brain, providing a huge emotional reward for her. It is why teen girls are obsessed with text messaging and computer chat rooms. It also explains why one of the most common sources of disappointment women express about married life is that the guys won’t talk to them. Show me a husband who keeps his thoughts to himself, and I will show you a frustrated wife. Little and not-so-little girls need to talk, too, especially about what they are feeling. Let me speak directly to the busy mom and dad who are too exhausted at the end of the day to get your kids talking, either at the dinner table or in those intimate few minutes before bedtime: you may be making a serious mistake. You need to ...

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” – Genesis 1:27 (NIV) It begins at conception, when males and females start their developmental journeys down two very different paths. That juncture will affect the way they think, feel, and act for the rest of their lives. The brains of both sexes appear to be “female” until about the eighth week when a male brain is washed by a huge surge of testosterone. It is then transformed radically and even takes on a different color. This male sex hormone kills some of the communication cells, including a portion of the bundle of nerves called the corpus callosum. It is a rope of fibers that connects the right hemisphere, where emotion is processed, with the left, where language is focused. Although the corpus callosum survives the testosterone bath, the male brain will never be able to “cross talk” as effectively thereafter, which has major implications for future masculine behavior. Testosterone also causes an increase in the volume of neurons and circuits located in the boy’s sex and aggression centers. Because the female brain is not subjected to a ...