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The goal in dealing with a difficult child is to shape the will without breaking the spirit. Hitting both targets is sometimes easier said than done. Perhaps it will help to share a letter from a mother who was having a terrible time with her son Jake. Her description of this child and her responses to him illustrate precisely how not to deal with a difficult boy or girl.
Rebecca Ann Sedwick was only 12 years old. But she hurled herself off the top of an abandoned building in Florida in order to free herself from the daily torment of her peers. The bullies’ weapons? Words. But their cruelty toward Rebecca didn’t happen on the playground, in the lunchroom, or next to the school lockers. It happened on social media.
When Coach John Wooden retired from basketball in 1975, he had every reason to savor the spotlight. Yet when Dr. James Dobson asked what he missed most after stepping away from the game, what Coach Wooden said in response is important for every Christian parent to remember. He didn’t say he missed the roar of the crowd. Nor did he mention the trophies, banners, or championships. He said he missed the practices. He longed for the teaching. That statement reveals everything about why John Wooden was a champion—and why his example matters so much for moms and dads today.
We have all heard it said that a woman is most beautiful when she is in love. It's true. You've seen it yourself. When a woman knows that she is loved and loved deeply, she glows from the inside. This radiance stems from a heart that has had its deepest questions answered. "Am I lovely?" "Am I worth fighting for?" "Have I been and will I continue to be romanced?" When these questions are answered, Yes, a restful, quiet spirit settles in a woman's heart.
Even with a clear game plan in mind, raising kids properly is one of life's richest challenges. It is not uncommon for a mother, particularly, to feel overwhelmed by the complexity of her parental assignment. In many homes, she is the primary protector for each child's health, education, intellect, personality, character, and emotional stability.
Laughter is the key to survival during the special stresses of the child-rearing years. If you can see the delightful side of your assignment, you can also deal with the difficult.
Question: Dr. Dobson, is there a way I, as a father, can influence my daughter's attitude toward boys? If she chooses to marry, she will need to understand men and know how to relate to them.
Question: Dr. Dobson, my eleven-year-old girl is physically, and otherwise, way too grown up for her age, despite my concentrated efforts to keep her a kid. I don't know how to handle her disrespectful teen attitude. It seems she's always grounded, and I am always yelling and unhappy, which affects everyone in our family.
I'm concerned about the impact of materialism on families today. During the Great Depression, it was easy enough for parents to tell their kids that they couldn't afford to buy everything they wanted. But in these times, children see that you can purchase their hearts' desires—if not with cash, then with your magic credit card. Advertisers spend millions of dollars to stimulate your kids' lust for their products—toy monsters; dolls that eat, walk, and talk; designer shoes and clothes; and more.
Question: Dr. Dobson, you have been very critical of behavioral scientists and other writers who recommend a more permissive approach to child rearing. Explain why this concerns you. Why is it ever wr
