Mike is 26 years old and still sleeps in the same bedroom he had in high school. He works an entry-level job at a local warehouse, clocks in and out, and comes home to video games and YouTube. He says he’s “figuring things out,” but can’t decide what he wants to do vocationally. He has dated a few young women and talks about getting married, but he won’t move forward because he can’t support a family, and the thought of doing so feels daunting. His father left the family when he was eight, and there aren’t any strong male role models in his life to encourage ambition. His mother loves him deeply and has done everything she knows to do. Yet here her son is—grown, but unsure how to step into manhood.
Sadly, Mike’s story is becoming increasingly common. According to U.S. Census data, young adults today are far more likely to live with a parent than previous generations. In 1960, only about 8% of young adults ages 25–34 lived at home. By 2013, that number expanded to 14%, and Pew Research’s analysis of Census data shows it’s rapidly moving toward one in five (18% in 2023). We’re also seeing men delay marriage longer than ever before. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the median age of first marriage for men in the United States is now 30.8 years old. In 1975, that number was 23.5.
There are many reasons for this shift—economic pressure, student debt, cultural confusion—but beneath it all lies a deeper issue. Many boys simply do not know how to grow up. And when a father is absent, that confusion often deepens.
Our culture does not help. It mocks masculinity and reduces it to something toxic. At the same time, it offers endless distractions—gaming, pornography, entertainment, and social media—that encourage young men to remain in an adolescent stage indefinitely.
But comfort is not God’s goal for your son—maturity is. In fact, Scripture doesn’t present growth as optional, but as a mark of obedience and spiritual health. Hebrews 5:12-14 makes it clear: “For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the Oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil” (ESV).
The Bible does not celebrate prolonged immaturity—it calls men to strength, courage, and spiritual growth. First Corinthians 16:13–14 (ESV) says, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” Biblical manhood is not harsh or domineering. It protects and provides in a spirit of humility.
If you want your boys to live courageously and be prepared to lead in their homes, excel in their jobs, and stand firm in their Christian faith, you must be intentional about directing them to make the right choices.
A father plays a crucial role in this process. If you’re a dad, your son needs more than your presence; he needs your guidance. This includes nudging him to do hard things. Encouraging him to work before he feels ready. Teaching him how to handle money. Showing him how to finish what he starts. Inviting him into carrying responsibility around the house and in the community. Allowing him to see you solve problems, apologizing when you fail, and standing firm when life is difficult.
Your boy will become a man by carrying an age-appropriate amount of responsibility. Growth happens through that process, and when you encourage it, you aren’t being harsh—you’re cooperating with God’s design for maturity. You’re helping shape a young man who will learn how to endure discomfort and still move forward. If you remove every burden from his shoulders, you may also eliminate the very tools he needs to build his mental, physical, and spiritual muscles.
If you’re a mom, you also play a critical role. It’s natural to want to protect your boy from hardship. Yet overprotection and gentle parenting can unintentionally communicate the message that he’s incapable of handling more. Encouragement conveys this message: “I believe you can do this.” It allows space for struggle, it does not rush in to fix every problem, and it trusts that God is at work in the process.
The church must play an important role too. How often do we entertain boys but fail to disciple them? Young men need strong male role models who will mentor them, pray with them, and invite them into meaningful service. They need to see healthy, joyful marriages and be challenged from the pulpit to pursue holiness and responsibility. Titus 2 describes mature men as “sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled” (Titus 2:2, ESV). That example for the younger generation matters more than we realize.
Dr. James Dobson long emphasized the importance of intentional parenting in shaping a boy’s character, because pressure from the culture to undermine that training is intense and constant. Your son needs clarity about what biblical manhood looks like. He should know unequivocally that serving is honorable, marriage is a blessing, and spiritual leadership begins now—not someday.
Perhaps as you are reading this, you’re thinking about your son or another young man who is struggling to launch. Maybe he is 22, 28, or even older. If so, don’t lose heart. It’s not too late. Growth is always possible through obedience and the Lord’s intervention. Begin with an honest conversation with this young man. Express your love, but also your expectation that he is capable of more. Set reasonable boundaries if he is living at home—clear financial contributions, job goals, or timelines. Encourage him toward counseling or mentorship if needed. Pray with him, not just for him. Growth may not occur overnight, but steady, loving firmness can spark movement.
Most of all, remember that God is working in your child’s life even when you can’t see evidence of it. Philippians 1:6 (ESV) promises: “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” That assurance applies to your son as well.
Courageous living does not happen by accident. It is intentional and cultivated over years of guidance, modeling, correction, and prayer. Your son was created to lead with integrity, to love a wife sacrificially (if marriage is God’s plan for him), to labor with diligence, and to walk with the Lord humbly and faithfully. When you focus on preparing him for that calling, you’re not pushing him too hard. You’re training him for the life God designed for him.
The world will tell your boy to stay comfortable. You have the privilege of helping him achieve a higher calling.
And by God’s grace, he will succeed.
