Almost every authority on child development recognizes that schools are typically not set up to accommodate the unique needs of boys. Elementary classrooms, especially, are designed primarily by women to fit the temperament and learning styles of girls. This disadvantage for boys is largely unintentional. It is simply the way schools have always functioned. Harvard psychologist and author William S. Pollock said it this way: “Girls care more about school. They cope with it. Boys don’t. Boys are taught at a tempo that doesn’t fit them. They are taught in a way that makes them feel inadequate, and if they speak up, they are sent to the principal.” School can be a rugged place for those who don’t “fit in” with the typical classroom program. What do we do with these kids when they fall behind in the basics?

One thing is certain: Getting mad at this youngster will not solve the problem. You will never transform an underachieving youngster into a scholar by nagging, pushing, threatening, or punishing. It just isn’t in him. If you try to squeeze him into something he’s not, you’ll only aggravate yourself and wound the child. You should, on the other hand, stay as close as possible to this child’s school. Educational consultant Cheri Fuller suggests that moms and dads with middle school and high school students take a look at their notebooks. She says it is possible to tell whether a kid is a B student or a D student just by examining his school papers. An achieving student’s notebook is organized with dividers and folders for handouts and assignments. A failing student’s notebook is a mess of jumbled drawings, silly notes, folded airplanes, half-finished sentences, and written work that wasn’t turned in. There might even be a teacher’s note to Mrs. Smith or Mr. Johnson that never got home.

There is one other factor that must be given the greatest priority. If your son does not learn to read properly, everything else will be in jeopardy. As a parent, I would turn heaven and earth to someone who could teach my kid to read. There are gifted tutors in almost every community, and there are private organizations that guarantee they can teach your child to read. Even if you have to hock the house to pay for it, I urge you to solve this problem. It is the key to all academic objectives, and a world of adventure awaits those who learn to read. Once your son has learned the basics of reading, you need to motivate him to practice it.

Finally, to the parents of immature boys who are not ready to sit in class hour after hour, I urge you to at least consider other possibilities (such as homeschooling) while your boys are small. Your sons can excel if given an opportunity.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Boys.