Ah, the holidays—the time of year when many singles are often more intensely aware of their singleness, especially if they are uncoupled.
If you’re unmarried, most likely you’ve had to dodge that perennial question from prying relatives or friends at holiday gatherings: “So, why are you still single?” Or, maybe you’ve had to deal with the office party dilemma when you don’t have a date to bring to your company’s Christmas event and the +1 on the invitation blinks at you like tree lights gone awry.
For some singles, the Christmas season tends to exaggerate feelings that are simmering all year long. It’s a time to connect with loved ones and you feel anything but connected. Suddenly everyone around you seems to have a significant other or spouse and you feel so very solo…solitary...alone.
A friend of mine said she misses someone with whom she can share the season—like watching Christmas movies, ice-skating in the park or going to Christmas parties together.
Another friend said she feels a twinge in her heart when the pastor closes the Christmas Eve service with an admonishment to “Go and spend time with your families.” Yeah, thanks, but I don’t have one. Of course, some people have their family of origin—their parents and siblings—with whom they gather for the holidays, but for others the cost to travel is unaffordable. Or they don’t get along with their family members.
Recently, a guy I know said that he couldn’t wait until the holidays were over. He’s just trying to endure the next few weeks.
I get it. It’s not always easy to see happy couples kissing under the mistletoe or walking arm in arm down a snowy sidewalk—laughing all the way—to who knows where. Yes, I realize that you may have unrealized dreams of having a spouse and a family, and you wonder: Where’s my husband to snuggle with by the fire or my rosy-cheeked kids to go sledding with on snowy Saturdays?
I hear you.
Is there a way to enjoy the holidays, not just endure them?
I believe there is, and it begins with a change in perspective. It helps to refocus attention away from self and onto our Savior. Christmas is not about us; it’s about the One who loves us most who sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, as a gift. For you. For me. And for all who believe.
Instead of bemoaning your current state of singleness you can make new choices. You may feel sad, or blue, or any other emotion—you have a right to your emotions. But don’t set up camp there; don’t stay there. Feel the pain, ask God to heal your heart, and then move forward allowing God to heal you in His timing. It may not happen overnight. Indeed, there is a time to grieve or feel miserable. But there is also a time to wipe away the tears, put on your coat and hat, and build some new Christmas memories.
And what do you know? Oftentimes, the joy returns and new hope arises.
You can stay cooped up in your apartment (or house or condo or cabin) alone, or you can get out and meet new people—or rediscover the ones you already know. Find “family” where you can if yours is not available. My friend Denise, who is single, often hosts a Christmas Day dinner for singles who have no place to go for the holiday.
Giving and serving others brings joy—not only to the people you help but also to you! You don’t always have to give gifts; sharing a simple smile or a hello with your coffee barista or the clerk at the dry cleaning counter can make a difference. Some folks I know go to a local nursing home to sing Christmas carols or a soup kitchen to serve food and spend time with those who are often forgotten.
Most importantly, draw near to the reason for the season: Jesus Christ. Reflect on the true meaning of Christmas and why we celebrate. Remember the true story of the Christ child, the Son of God, who came to save the world and teach us how to truly live. (Read Matthew 1 or Luke 2.) Discover the love that changes everything. And you just may be amazed at what happens inside of you.
May God invade your heart with JOY—at Christmas and all the year through.
From all of us at Family Talk, Merry Christmas to you!
