Day: August 28, 2025

Daughters tend to be third in line for the attention of the man of the family [behind wives and sons]. I have drawn that conclusion after many years of working with families. Fathers know intuitively that their boys require special attention, discipline, and leadership, but they are often unaware of how desperately their daughters also need them. Men usually understand that their sons are dependent on them throughout childhood, but I am convinced that girls need their fathers as much as boys do. A girl’s sense of self-worth and personal dignity are directly linked to what she believes her father thinks of her.

There is a place in the female soul reserved for a Daddy, or a daddy figure, that will always yearn for affirmation. Not every girl or woman is the same, of course, but almost every girl desires a close bond with this most significant man in her life. She will adore him if he loves and protects her and if she finds safety and warmth in his arms.

She will tend to see all men through the lens of that relationship. The influence that a dad wields for good or harm in his daughter’s life touches every dimension of life. It especially shapes and stabilizes a girl’s sense of worth and keeps alive her tender spirit.

Touch is another point of connection that is essential to girls. Just like their mothers, our daughters need to be hugged regularly, perhaps every day. Hugging is easy to do when girls are young, and they see their daddies as champions and best buddies. However, with the arrival of puberty and evidences of sexual maturation, fathers often feel uneasy and tend to avoid physical contact. Girls can read that discomfort with the accuracy of a laser.* I want to say to all these dads emphatically that your pubescent and adolescent girls are going through a time of great insecurity. They desperately need you now. You are their protector and their source of stability. Your love now is critical to their ability to cope with the rejection, hurt, and fears that are coming at them from their peers. Hugs are needed now more than ever. I urge fathers to continue providing the physical contact that was appropriate during earlier childhood. It should not be sexual in nature, of course, but a loving, fatherly response is still vital. The last thing you want to convey now, even inadvertently, is that your love has melted away. So, hide the awkwardness, Dad, and hug your kid like you did when she was six.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Girls.

* Meeker, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, 96; Debra Haffner, Beyond the Big Talk: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Teens—from Middle School to High School and Beyond (New York: Newmarket Press, 2001).

Daughters (and sons) need firm leadership from the moment of birth onward, especially from Mom. Infants are like sponges soaking up the affection showered on them. They clearly prefer human stimuli above anything else. They are more sensitive to speech and singing than any other sound. A newborn has been listening to her mother’s voice from inside the womb for many months, and she is comforted by it. Brain development is greatly influenced and aided by the care and attention given in a nursery by mothers, grandmothers, or mother substitutes.

As the months pass, this attachment provides a secure base that encourages the exploration of the surrounding environment. It also defines a child’s style of relating to others, teaches her to trust, helps her interpret her feelings, and acquaints her with intimacy. To put it succinctly, Mom, you are indispensable. The encouragement and confidence Mom provides is a primary factor in nudging her toddler out to the edges of her universe. At about five years of age, a child will gradually become more independent and confident, especially if the bond with the mother or mother figure has been firmly established.

Loving authority, when properly applied, does not weaken a bond between generations. It strengthens it because mutual respect is the cornerstone of a relationship. Mothers who are overly cautious around their youngsters deprive them of the guidance, discipline, and boundaries that are necessary for healthy development. Parents who are tentative and lacking in confidence often end up being despised by their children. If attachment is the goal of parenting, and it certainly is, that objective is achieved by expressing genuine love, affection, and dedication, combined with reasonable discipline, defined limits, and firm leadership. They work in tandem.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Girls.