Daughters tend to be third in line for the attention of the man of the family [behind wives and sons]. I have drawn that conclusion after many years of working with families. Fathers know intuitively that their boys require special attention, discipline, and leadership, but they are often unaware of how desperately their daughters also need them. Men usually understand that their sons are dependent on them throughout childhood, but I am convinced that girls need their fathers as much as boys do. A girl’s sense of self-worth and personal dignity are directly linked to what she believes her father thinks of her.

There is a place in the female soul reserved for a Daddy, or a daddy figure, that will always yearn for affirmation. Not every girl or woman is the same, of course, but almost every girl desires a close bond with this most significant man in her life. She will adore him if he loves and protects her and if she finds safety and warmth in his arms.

She will tend to see all men through the lens of that relationship. The influence that a dad wields for good or harm in his daughter’s life touches every dimension of life. It especially shapes and stabilizes a girl’s sense of worth and keeps alive her tender spirit.

Touch is another point of connection that is essential to girls. Just like their mothers, our daughters need to be hugged regularly, perhaps every day. Hugging is easy to do when girls are young, and they see their daddies as champions and best buddies. However, with the arrival of puberty and evidences of sexual maturation, fathers often feel uneasy and tend to avoid physical contact. Girls can read that discomfort with the accuracy of a laser.* I want to say to all these dads emphatically that your pubescent and adolescent girls are going through a time of great insecurity. They desperately need you now. You are their protector and their source of stability. Your love now is critical to their ability to cope with the rejection, hurt, and fears that are coming at them from their peers. Hugs are needed now more than ever. I urge fathers to continue providing the physical contact that was appropriate during earlier childhood. It should not be sexual in nature, of course, but a loving, fatherly response is still vital. The last thing you want to convey now, even inadvertently, is that your love has melted away. So, hide the awkwardness, Dad, and hug your kid like you did when she was six.

From Dr. James Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Girls.

* Meeker, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, 96; Debra Haffner, Beyond the Big Talk: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Teens—from Middle School to High School and Beyond (New York: Newmarket Press, 2001).