Every August, thirty-two NFL teams report to training camp with the same goal: win the Super Bowl!  Players give interviews about finishing strong. Coaches talk about culture and commitment. Fans believe this could be the season when their team takes the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

But by January, most of those teams have been eliminated from the playoffs.

It’s not about a lack of desire—every team wants to win. The difference is preparation and execution. Bill Belichick became known for a simple phrase that shaped championship teams: “Do your job.” In other words, learn your assignment, practice it until you can perform it under pressure, and carry it out faithfully for the sake of the team.

Winning requires more than wanting. It requires concentrated training.

That gap between desire and discipline is not confined to football fields. It is visible in the lives of many young men who say they want to be married but have not yet begun preparing for it.

According to Pew Research (August 2025), 63% of never-married adults under 50 say they would like to get married someday, and among those ages 18–29, that number rises to 73%. Pew also reports that 74% of 12th-grade boys say they expect to get married someday. Young men still believe in marriage. They still hope for it. They still talk about it.

But wanting a touchdown is not the same as running the play. In his book, Life on the Edge, Dr. James Dobson said it this way: “Character is not something you turn on and off like a light switch. It is built day by day.” Marriage rests on that kind of daily formation.

Unfortunately, too many young men push their girlfriends to get married before they’re ready to be godly husbands. They may say they love the Lord and want a relationship built on Scripture, but they’re often skipping church and don’t really have solid Christian relationships. For them, “self” is still too important, and they lack training in righteousness and its application.

The Bible doesn’t focus as much on a man’s desire for marriage as it does on the need for him to become the kind of man who can love as Christ does. In Ephesians 5:25–28 (ESV), Paul writes:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

This is a high calling. It describes sacrifice, leadership, spiritual care, and steady love. A man who desires marriage but will not pursue holiness is like a quarterback who wants a touchdown but will not learn the playbook. A godly marriage is not awarded to the man who desires it most. It is sustained by the man who prepares for it.

As Dr. Dobson taught, the primary training ground for becoming a godly husband has always been the home. Boys learn how to treat women by watching their fathers. They learn to resolve conflict by listening to how their parents speak to each other. They learn responsibility, patience, and self-control through daily life in functioning within a family.

The challenge is that many young men today come from broken homes or homes where biblical marriage was not modeled clearly. Some have never observed steady leadership, humble repentance, or faithful love lived out before them.

In the pregnancy center where I volunteer, a young couple came in for classes. While there, the man yelled every single word he spoke to his wife. That’s not an exaggeration! When the advocate asked if he always spoke to her that way, the husband said, “Well, yes, that’s how my dad spoke to my mom.” As sad as that is, simply showing him a different way to communicate changed their relationship almost overnight.

That is not unusual. We see poor relationships all the time, simply because men desire a relationship but their upbringing didn’t properly prepare them for it. That reality can be discouraging—but it’s not without hope.

God has provided another training field.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul speaks to singles and reminds them that singleness is not a waiting room for experiencing real life. It is an opportunity for undivided devotion to the Lord. A single man, Paul says, can be concerned about “the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” (see 1 Corinthians 7:32, ESV). In other words, the unmarried season is not wasted time. It is preparation time, either for marriage on earth, or eternity with Christ.

In the local church, a young man can learn to do his job well in the following areas:

• Sacrificial service. He shows up even when it’s inconvenient. He serves children, stacks chairs, visits the sick, and gives his time for the benefit of others. That is similar to what marriage requires.
• Conflict resolution. Churches have no shortage of disagreement. Personalities clash. Preferences differ, and selfishness is rampant. Forgiveness must be extended. A man who learns to speak truth in love, to listen carefully, and to repent quickly is practicing skills he will need as a husband.
• Biblical leadership. He listens to preaching that shapes his thinking. He joins small groups where he is known and corrected. He watches elders lead with humility and conviction. Over time, he begins to do the same through prayer and service.

This is not about simply telling young men to “do your job.” It is about training them to do it well. It’s about forming habits of faithfulness long before a wedding day arrives.

The good news is that this kind of preparation is possible. No man becomes a Christlike husband through willpower alone. He must walk closely with Jesus. As he confesses his sin, studies Scripture, prays, and serves, the Spirit shapes him. Grace does not remove the need for effort, but it fuels it. God does not call men to a standard He refuses to help them reach.

If you are a young man who hopes to marry someday, I urge you to begin preparing now. Learn to lead yourself through your relationship with the Lord before you seek to lead a wife. Practice sacrificial love before you publicly promise it. Immerse yourself in the life of a healthy church. Seek older men who will model faithfulness and speak truth into your life.

Then, take these lessons outside the church. Find a job where you can provide for a family, serving your employer and the community. These opportunities will engrain what you’ve learned in your heart and by your actions.

Every team says they want the trophy. The champions are the ones who train when no one is watching and execute when it matters most.

Marriage is a beautiful gift. Through a close walk with Jesus and steady commitment to growth, becoming a godly husband is not only something to admire from a distance. You can attain it, by His grace, as you learn to do your job well.