Growing up, most girls struggle with their looks and feelings of self-worth. Remember the horn that popped up on the absolute tip of your nose—the one you were sure everyone in the whole school could see from 50 feet? As women, we still often feel less than adequate. Bad hair days. Fat days. Not feeling loved, cared for, appreciated, or worthwhile. We work hard to keep our lives and our families' lives balanced. But the rewards often seem limited—very limited. And when we're not rewarded, we can sometimes feel as if what we're doing is meaningless and that we are worthless. If we are not careful, these feelings can lead to poor decisions, mistakes, and regrets.

We are insecure when we are not confident or feel unsafe. But that safety has nothing to do with the environment we're in or the people around us. Instead, it has everything to do with how we see ourselves. Most of the time, the way we see ourselves is based on our performance or on the way we think others see us. That's a prescription for disaster. Our focus must be on Christ and what He sees in us.

I know of a girl dating a pastor from California. She lives in Alabama. Both are very creative and are constantly finding ways to stay close despite the distance. She received a Valentine's gift from him a few days early and could hardly wait to open it. When the long-anticipated day finally arrived, she woke early. As she unraveled the bow she found a note slipped inside:

When you have a bad hair day;

When you wake up on the wrong side of the bed;

When you feel insignificant, lesser than, doubt your worth;

Always remember!

Inside the package was a key chain. Engraved on one side was the word "Wonderfully." The other side simply read, "Fearfully." Because he's not there in person to remind her of her worth and who she is in Christ, he made sure she had a daily reminder.

You too should have a daily reminder.

Why? Because you begin to build your self-worth by understanding how much God really loves you.

But unfortunately, most women don't believe that God really does love them. Even if we say we believe it, we don't live as if we do.

What am I talking about? Most of the women I know can cite Bible passages reminding them of their worth in Christ. You probably know them too—Jesus' assurance that even "the very hairs of your head are all numbered," that God cares even for small birds, that "not one of them falls to the ground apart from the will of your Father," and that "you are worth more than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:29-31). Or that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).

We say we believe these things. Yet, we do things that contradict what we say we believe. If we really believe we are fearfully and wonderfully made, why are we constantly comparing ourselves to others?

"Look how thin she is."

"She is so organized."

"I wish I were as close to the Lord as she is."

We do ourselves and those we compare ourselves to a grave injustice. Rarely do we compare ourselves to somebody we think inferior to us. We measure ourselves against those who we see as better than us or those who have something we want.

Comparing leads to coveting, to envying what others have. Wishing you had her money, her looks, her body, her good fortune, her favor. I've done it myself. And this insecurity is like a cancer that consumes the heart. You start to feel sorry for yourself and jealous of the life others live. When this happens, resentment and bitterness can take root. We can even become angry at God for making our life less appealing than others' lives.

The only way to stop the cancer of insecurity from spreading is to find contentment, to live out the truths of who we are in Christ. Here's how:

Look back and be honest. Where do your insecurities come from? Were you bullied growing up? Did you somehow get the message that you just aren't quite good enough? Did you always have to perform to be loved? Did family dysfunctions or secrets cause you to live in fear as a child? Have repeated disappointments led you to believe you just don't have what it takes?

You can begin to release the hold insecurity has on you by being clear about what you are insecure about, accepting responsibility for it as your own, and turning it into a positive motivator for thinking about yourself in an admirable way.

Be thankful, pray, and think. Freedom comes by way of godliness and by living according to Philippians 4:8: "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Thinking on what is pure and lovely, admirable and noble, empowers you to think accurately about who you are. When you're feeling insecure and you start comparing yourself to others, you need to stop, recognize what's going on, clean up your thought life, and move forward.

See the value of others. Comparing yourself to others can be instructive when you use it as a constructive motivator for positive change in your life. It's also instructive when you’re willing to examine it and ask, "Why do I feel this way?" More importantly, you have to answer the question honestly and then listen to what you learn about yourself through the answer.

The musical "My Fair Lady" is about a common flower girl who becomes the project of a learned professor. He takes her under his wing, educates her to speak properly, and teaches her manners. His confidence in her leads to her own confidence in her newly learned skills. As a result, she blossoms. Little by little, her insecurity and feelings of unworthiness fall away.

As you dig deeper in the Word and see all that God has created you to be, your insecurity will also fall away. Your status as a child of the King will begin to eclipse the specifics of life that led to your insecurities in the first place. You will see yourself and the events in your life in a whole new way when you understand that regardless of how insecure you feel, how bereft or lost you feel, or how painful life gets, God created your innermost being and knit you together in your mother’s womb. Meditating on His confidence in you will help your own self-confidence.

When insecurity threatens, remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.