It is a mystery and a miracle how two people ever get together and stay together. Why is real and lasting love so hard to find? Perhaps it has something to do with how we handle emotional intimacy, that is, how comfortable we are with getting close to another person—or not.

Lately, I’ve been pondering why I’m not married. At least, not yet. Maybe it was the wedding invitation I received last week that sparked this contemplation. Or, the fact that I’ve been reading countless Facebook posts from married friends about everything from their kid’s piano recitals to their family vacation in the Tetons to their happy news that they are pregnant again—and I’m still trying to get a date.